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I have heard that we only have 3 real loves in our life. People that come into our world's, and unexpectedly change us, whether it be for the good or the bad. People who we whether it be reciprocated or not, truly fall for.
1. I knew her in middle school and I had a crush. I threw a hideously made paper airplane at her and she caught it and crumbled it up and brought it to my desk. I told her that her hair looked nice and we became friends. We kissed for the first time in the summer before we began 8th grade, and she was the first girl other than a relative that I told those words to. I love you. I moved and we stayed in touch. The middle of 10th grade we found each other again and it was a great time in my life, until we parted right before graduation. She was the only one in my life that to this day, I feel truly loved me, she was everything anyone could want. We got close again when we were 20, and the day came when she told me she was sick. I didn't comprehend what she was telling me. Those 3 months flew by. The fastest any time has seemed to pass for me. She was gone. I was not prepared. I was not ready. I was too young to handle it. I did not accept it for so many years. So many things I wanted to tell her, and I never got the chance. 14 years later and I still miss her.
2. She unexpectedly came to my house one day, as she was the ex of one of my good friends cousin. She was crying and sitting on our front porch, and I told her that whatever she was crying about was probably not worth it. It was a guy of course. A couple of weeks pass and so send her a request on social media and she accepts. We talk about a date, but she blows me off, nothing unusual for a woman going through a breakup. A week passes and she says hello. Things progress really fast, and she love bombs me hard, and I don't see any of the signs because I was blinded. I did love her. She ghosted me for a few months, until she randomly said hello. We meet for the weekend and start up right where it was left off. With a puddle on the sheets, and a smile on her face she tells me she never stopped loving me. Things go well for a few months, until she begins. I work 10-16 hrs night shift, and go out of my way to be the bf I thought a woman deserved. I had eyes for only her, I loved only her. Her family loves me, her kids loves me. She treats me bad, she expects the world, but willing to give nothing. Nothing but her opinion and get expectations of me. I grow tired of her immaturity, of her selfishness, so I leave. 2 weeks later I get a picture of a pregnancy test from her. We get back together and soon she was back to her normal ways. But she is pregnant, so I stuck it out. 2 days after she gave birth to who I assumed was my son, I was informed that he in fact, was not mine, he was her ex's. The same ex that repeatedly beat her, verbally controlled her, and cheated like it was his job. I did love her. But I do not anymore, and I will never touch her, never forgive her, and never fully trust again. She was my first experience that even when you do everything right, it's not enough. People are evil. But I loved her.
3. The most fresh. The most confusing. I still get a weird feeling when I think of her. We met in a way I've never gave a chance, which is online. We hit it off, and we talk everyday, hours a day. I didn't think we would ever meet. She tells me her past, I tell her mine. She's beautiful and I'm stunned. She tells me her fears and I store them in my brain, ready to do the complete opposite and never make her feel unwanted, never make her feel anything but like the person she was. The person she is, which is one of the best people I know. She also stops contact because she says it's overwhelming and she didn't wanna hurt or lead me on. I was ok with that, and wasn't sad because it had only been a real short time, and we had not met. She says hello again almost 2 months after, and we slowly make our way back to the level of before. She tells me more about herself, we talk more. She knows so much about me, as I do her. We meet on that rainy day in December. When I saw here in person, and with no exaggeration I tell y'all... I got real life goosebumps. My heart jumped out of my chest and I grabbed it before she could noticed. I was nervous, but she made it so comfortable. I became myself we walked through town, we laughed. She was just as funny in person as she was through phone. She had pain in her eyes, she had insecurities that I noticed but looked past. She is the first woman that I looked dead in her eyes.. and as she walked out the bathroom I could think of no words to say but "you are so fu*king beautiful". I still remember the smile on her face after I said that like it was yesterday. We hit it off, I played it cool, and I knew I was in trouble. We part ways and I missed her before she even got out of my sight at the airport. We miss bomb each other for a little bit, we continue whatever it was that we have going on. She starts to act a little different but nothing worrying. I begin to have gut feelings, and mine are something else. They are often exactly what worries me. I feel I have to give up, but she decided to come back. I felt she felt different, but could not fathom why someone would travel that far of a distance for someone they had no feelings for, for someone they didn't care about anymore. She left, and I still felt that feeling. I knew I loved her before I met her. I never told her. I feel it strong. I wrote the longest message about how I felt, and how I wish I could have held it in better, and how I care about her so much, but I could not just be her friend, or ever think of her in that way only. I gave up, and I regret it so much. I never even read her replies after that. They are sitting in my inbox unopened. I miss her, and I truly love her, and wish nothing but the best for her. Bad timing creates broken hearts, it creates regret, and it hurts. Life is full of lessons, it's hard. My heart is pure and it is strong.
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Sending Love<<3
ReplyThree loves? Who made that up? Do you believe everything you hear, are told or read?
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