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I've been feeling so lonely. I feel like this a lot because I want connection so badly. I want to be loved and have someone understand me. I also need physical touch, like hugging and cuddling. I've been online dating for a while now, but I have noticed a cycle. I will feel really bored or down and then download an app, usually bumble. Then find a connection, have some great conversations, but eventually find something that I don't like about the person. I hate letting people down, so it's really emotionally draining for me to have to tell someone I don't want to see them anymore. My moods drop and I'll delete the app and tell myself I need to be happy on my own and take a break from it. Then it starts again.
I live with my cousin and she told me today that she sees my emotions go up and down depending on how people treat me. I see that too. She thinks it has to do with my needing affirmation from people. I think that might be the case. It's like I have this low self esteem and need people to make me feel better about myself. I don't really know how to fix it and become more confident.
Does anyone have advice about how to grow more confident and find self assurance rather than seeking people to lift them up? I'm sort of dependent on other people to make me feel better sometimes. I'll be bringing this up with my therapist to talk through but wanted to know if anyone else struggles with this.
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Dont let others be the ones making you succeed, let you make yourself succeed. If you lean on someones shoulder your whole life, theyll eventually fall. Remember to take care of yourself and remember you can only help others before helping yourself.
ReplyI think You are emotionally sensetive, most of my life I felt like that like you are, I started asking my self why I felt the way I did
ReplyWell the only time I went to a dating site was to look to see if my s/o was on there and he was....as well as on multiple dating sites.
Ended things and took a break. Started to see someone else just to find out he was too.
It was interesting to say the least. Lots of guys are married or in a relationship so basically looking for a hook up.
I mean if you are going to keep hooking up....just stay single and do what you want...I wouldn't stop anyone from doing what they want.....but I also know what I want....what I deserve. I don't want to own or control anyone.
So I would not fight for anyone. Not because I couldn't win but because I shouldn't have to.
Jealous games are a very abusive tactic.
ReplyHow do you find them on dating sites? Sometimes I wonder but I don't want to have to go through the trouble of signing up to stuff under fake names and then searching. That will just make me really anxious. So instead of going on dating sites I just listen to how they talk. If they mention finding various people attractive I know I can't trust them with my heart or expect a committed relationship.
ReplyI can understand where you're coming from. I'm almost the exact same way. Only I also like giving back too. I honestly don't know if it's wrong to feel this way.
Yes, it can absolutely turn toxic if you start holding resentments and start putting out unrealistic expectations. But if you keep your expectations in check and you make it about the other person, too. Is it really toxic? Is it really something that needs to change? Why?
Is it because society tells us that we shouldn't allow others to affect us? Well guess what, you're a human being and whether you like it or not, other people are GOING to affect you. Nothing can stop that.
You're going to feel bad when someone dumps you or is rude to you or is condescending towards you. On the other side, you're probably going to feel good if someone goes out of their way for you, gives you affection, shows you that you matter.
This notion that we can't be allowed to be impacted by others is inhumane and needs to stop. Being impacted by others and putting your sole worth into someone are 2 seperate things.
It's not wrong to emotionally rely on someone. It's not wrong to feel happy because of someone. What is wrong is expecting to never react to how others treat you.
As long as you're not putting all your worth in someone else or putting unreasonable demands on them, you are fine. It's ok to want connection and it doesn't make you weak to need that connection.
ReplyThank you this is really helpful.
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