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i haven't felt right to write or talk about this anywhere. with other people, people i care about, i feel wary for the context. & strangers in person do not care. but i need to get this out there somewhere.
the feeling of your lips.
i remember closing my eyes for the first time, solely focusing on that feeling i'd dreamt of. your tongue touching my teeth. realizing how small my mouth is as i try to open it to let you inside & that shuddering wonder of recognizing what it means to deepen a kiss. your hand in my hair, the arm around my waist. it is the most awkward & weird feeling in the world & yet... i kept having this desire to try it again just to make sure. getting to hold your face. your teeth lightly tugging on my bottom lip that i hadn't thought of being reciprocated. the breathlessness of it all. feeling so hot, so tingly, so hazy & caught in a terrifyingly thrilling daze. that one time that i pulled you towards me with my back to the wall. had you not had things in your hands, had we not been about to go inside somewhere on a time-crunch.. i wonder how long we would have stayed.
but oh... i'm really going to allow my mind to let itself go a little longer..
someday i will be able to kiss someone again..
& my heart races at the knowledge that when i recognize them as a part of my future, how i will allow my lips to wander, my hands to hold steady, my nose to trail along softly, my teeth to bite, to pull gently, my tongue to taste their skin...
whoever you are, i hope you know i am much more of a sensual creature than i let on. i have many more desires than i allow to be known.
whoever you will be, know that i am not tame to every ounce.
your flush, your surprise, embarrassment, sweet speechlessness... i crave it.
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Whoever you are ..you made me blush.
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