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I've been feeling really rudderless and uninspired lately.
It's a combination of things; I live in the United States and thus, in a constant state of anxiety about the pandemic and leadership. Most of my friends have retreated into themselves in response to the stress; we already don't live near each other and mostly rely on online messengers to communicate, so it's not that I'm not seeing them, but that they don't have the energy to talk much.
We used to have weekly hangouts in the form of a Dungeons & Dragons game we played for the last two years. It was really important to me, and also a podcast for a while. We hadn't played much since the end of 2019 because of scheduling reasons, and the few times we did, interpersonal drama would sometimes flare up (I'm very close with many people in the group, and some of us have some history which from time to time gets exacerbated). Because of the interpersonal issues, we decided to end the podcast, and the game is on pause until no one's really sure when. I don't think we will go back to it, but our group leader/DM does, so maybe I'm wrong. The member I have had the most issues with will be leaving the group; she and I are sister in laws and love each other a lot, but she was having some issues with separating the boundaries between people and characters, so it's for the best.
But it does leave me unable to consistently talk to most of them. Most of my friends are pretty introverted and suffer from depression and anxiety; I'm usually the one who initiates, and mostly, they have been hard to get in touch with. Friends I used to talk to every day I go weeks without hearing from, and when I do, it's usually just a brief message letting me know they're OK.
My friends are my greatest source of creative inspiration. The art and music and writing I make is always centered around the stories we create together, whether it be D&D, projects we write as friends, or just fun stories we make up together to pass the time. Without them, I have so little inspiration. I've been managing to kind of float on fumes since we cancelled our game, but I seem to have run out of steam. Painting and drawing is generally how I relieve stress, but the ideas just aren't flowing, and when I do make art, it doesn't feel satisfying anymore.
I don't really know where to go from here. I just wanted to talk about it, I suppose, and I didn't want to post it on my normal social media channels, because the last thing I want is my friends to see it and feel badly. It's just a bummer, and a thing that's happening. I know they all need space right now to get through these hard times, but I miss them a lot, and I miss the things we make together.
There are certainly more important things to be upset about and write about, but I'm more comfortable talking to the people in my life about those, so that's why I'm putting this here. Thanks for reading.
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ReplyI hear ya. Iβm a creative too and I miss going to shows and connecting with other creating types. I have found going to artist groups and forums online helpful. I started an online art share group with some people and some of them were strangers that Iβd not met before. I know itβs no consolation for the people you are missing but you could join other online D&D groups.
The other thought Iβm having is could you reach out to Any of your friends that you are missing and see If they want to have a twice a month art hang online? Just some thoughts as I understand the missing of creative contacts.
ReplyOP here! Sorry you're going thru it, too. Yeah, I run a different TTRPG group, it's just not the same, since it's a different group and obviously not as long running. They're also not quite as serious players as I'm used to, so while it's fun, it mostly is fun during the session, not something that can creatively sustain me for weeks, haha.
Yeah, I want to try to get something more concrete going. I've been throwing projects around and getting at least some interest from my sister in law, so that's good; we're rebuilding some of the issues that cropped up during our game. It's just really inconsistent, and hard to get people in this group to commit to any scheduled hangouts right now, since their energies are so variable.
I really appreciate your comment, though. Thanks for your time. <3
ReplyNo problem. I hope you get your creative groove back!
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