What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
If you are in crisis and need immediate help, please call 1-800-273-8255 (NSPL) or text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line). More resources.
My family is Asian. I've been brought up in a strict environment where I was taught to believe and follow whatever an older person says. My childhood was not that bad. They were still strict but also showed me affection. They said, "I love you," to me many times a day but things started to change as I grew older. They started yelling and criticizing me more. They started comparing me to other kids. They treated my feelings and emotions as if it was a piece of gum stuck on their shoe. They only cared about my grades and if I ever got something below 95, I would be called a failure to them. I had tried multiple times to confront them about the issue but like always, they start talking about how I don't appreciate what they do for me and tried to guilt me. They put all the blame on me and made me feel like a street rat. It made me think that there was something wrong with me. It made me feel like a disease that was affecting their perfect successful family. But what hurt me the most is when they would emotionally manipulate and guilt me into doing things they wanted me to. During my pre-teen years, my dad started distancing himself from me and completely ignored my existence. I don't ever remember having a conversation with my dad. If he even did talk to me, he would always yell at me and insult me. He never looked at me and I have never treated any kind of attention and affection from him in the past few years. Moving on to my teen years was hard for me. My hormones and emotions were all over the place. I felt insecure and doubted myself. But what did my parents do? Instead of helping me to move forward, they reminded me that I was never good enough. That I was a person who never studies when in fact I was the top of not only my grade but the whole middle school. They criticized me to do better when I get a score that is not 100 and when I complained about it, they told me that I can't take a joke. Did they think that my mental health is a joke too? Did they think that my life is a joke too? They call me names and insult me. I am one step away from falling into a world of depression. I don't understand half of the insults they throw at me but the venom of their voice still poisons me. I still remember the time of my life where I couldn't think of anything of suicide. I was a fragile person who didn't know the importance of life. At the age of 8, when I was in third grade, my mind suddenly drifted towards ending my life. I have no idea where that idea came from but I remember staring out my balcony, thinking if I should just jump and kill myself. Will my mom be sad? Will my dad be sad? Will anyone miss me? Will anyone be heartbroken and hurt that I'm gone? I was too young back then to think of it as a serious thing. At that time all I remembered was being jealous of my classmates' relationship with their parents. Many people might think that I'm not getting physically or sexually abused. They tell me that I still have a roof under my head, food to eat, clean water to drink, and clothes to wear. I know I have all those things but I don't have my parents' love and support. Sadness and depression can come from anymore. It's not because you are too sensitive. This is my first time pouring all my feeling down. I was scared to write about how I felt in case if my parents found it. I did try it out but my mom caught me and snatched that paper from me. I don't remember much because I tried hard to shut myself from my parents' blaming it on me. I wanted to be numb. I wanted to feel nothing. There are many people around the world who are a victim of emotional and mental abuse like me. Even though I'm surrounded by people, I feel lonely. The friends I have don't feel like real friends. All I am asking is for someone to listen to me talk, help me move forward, reminding me that I am not a failure, loving me, caring for me. Is that too much to ask?
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
im lost
Well.. I dont really know what to do anymore. These days the Im thinking more more about death because my whole life is just pointless. I literally dont have a...
-
Tired Of Pretending I'm Okay
I'm so tired of pretending I'm okay I'm most definitely Not! I don't know how to tell my loved ones about this without destroying the relationship I have with...
Hey. I grew up very similarly. It’s not too much to ask, and it shouldn’t be that way. Know that you are worthy of love, whether or not we believe it is being given to us. You should be loved
ReplyPeople say it's okay to abuse. But I am going to be that one person and say, IT'S NOT OKAY. It's not okay that you are being abused. It's not okay that you think of suicide. It's not okay that you are in pain right now. I am going through a similar but I am not going to say, "I know how you feel." Everybody's pain is different no matter how similar the problem is. I hope you ignore the toxic people around you and move forward in your life.
Reply