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I want to kill myself.
I hate who I am.
I hate how I sound.
I hate how I look.
I hate the life I have.
I hate feeling lost.
I hate being alone.
I hate feeling stranded.
I hate that my own father doesn't want me, and now my own mother chooses her boyfriend over me, which is no surprise because she up and left us kids when she cheated on my dad.
I hate that now I'm 18 I'm expected to know exactly what I want to do and have all my shit together.
I hate the fact my little sister had to die, back in 2015, why not me? I mean my life is going to waste now...
I feel like I'm drowning, in a pool of depression, hate, suicidal thoughts and unwantedness.
I want to harm myself, but I don't know-how and I know people will notice and then ask questions, I don't want to talk. I hate talking.
I want to kill myself, but I know the pain I felt when my sister died and I don't want to put that on anyone else. but I just don't want to be here any more I don't know where my life is going and I don't know if I'm even capable of this thing called life...
People say it gets better, but I've been in this shit hole since I was 4... I'm 18 now... when is it going to get better?! I've been waiting all my life so far for it to get better, everything has only gotten worse!
I'm sick and tired of trying to please everyone.
I'm tired.
I've tried for so long to make things better, but I can't keep this up anymore.
I'm weak.
I'm tired.
If I've only made it this far... whats the rest of my life going to hold... will I even be there to see it? I don't know.
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I feel some of the same. And some of your situation I'm in as well. All I know is suicide isn't the way out. Keep holding on ok.
ReplyPlease don't take your life. The world needs you. ❤
ReplyVenting is the right thing you've done. The problems you're facing I can't even imagine how hard it has been for you handle. You're stronger than think and tougher than anyone. No one can knock you out not even depression. Because being through such rough life needs courage which I think you have. Just don't let any kind of negative thought attack you or take up on you. See a therapist and start your treatment. Medicines would help you. The stage when you start feeling suicidal is very weak to handle. I've lost someone very important to Depression and suicide. That person doesn't even knows me but I and thousands of other knew him cause he was our inspiration. The grief I have now has broken me. It surely pains and this pain of losing someone is irreparable.
And I don't want to lose you to anything evil and negative which this depression comes with. Please save yourself because in this war with your life you're the only warrior.
Keep venting and keep yourself away from thinking anything about your parents or something which brings out the anger and frustration from yourself.
I love you and the world needs you. Be kind for yourself. There's someone who's waiting for you so don't give up on yourself
Reply