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Just venting... I guess
1 year ago · · Stress, · Explicit
I want to kill myself.
I hate who I am.
I hate how I sound.
I hate how I look.
I hate the life I have.
I hate feeling lost.
I hate being alone.
I hate feeling stranded.
I hate that my own father doesn't want me, and now my own mother chooses her boyfriend over me, which is no surprise because she up and left us kids when she cheated on my dad.
I hate that now I'm 18 I'm expected to know exactly what I want to do and have all my shit together.
I hate the fact my little sister had to die, back in 2015, why not me? I mean my life is going to waste now...
I feel like I'm drowning, in a pool of depression, hate, suicidal thoughts and unwantedness.
I want to harm myself, but I don't know-how and I know people will notice and then ask questions, I don't want to talk. I hate talking.
I want to kill myself, but I know the pain I felt when my sister died and I don't want to put that on anyone else. but I just don't want to be here any more I don't know where my life is going and I don't know if I'm even capable of this thing called life...
People say it gets better, but I've been in this shit hole since I was 4... I'm 18 now... when is it going to get better?! I've been waiting all my life so far for it to get better, everything has only gotten worse!
I'm sick and tired of trying to please everyone.
I've tried for so long to make things better, but I can't keep this up anymore.
If I've only made it this far... whats the rest of my life going to hold... will I even be there to see it? I don't know.