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hello again, it's been awhile. since your birthday in march, actually. not to alarm you, but i've been waiting and counting the days until you'd reach out again. i saw that you've deleted the accounts i used to message you and i can't help feeling like i inspired that decision.
we were such good friends. you were my bestest friend. i loved you the most. i still do. you were the only person i could have a whole conversation with using only facial expressions. you always got my jokes and you'd make me laugh so hard my guts would be sore for days. you'd never hesitate to come and pick me up no matter how far the drive was and i'd buy you food and we'd spend our summers together. remember how our families would join forces for fourth of july parties? i missed that this year, especially since i knew it wasn't the pandemic standing in the way. it was us. it was me.
i know why you're bitter and to be honest, i'm still sour too. we cried together on your couch and promised we'd always look out for each other but the second somebody else caught your attention, you were gone. i gave you space and yet i was the bad guy for not being there. why would i want to be somewhere i'm not wanted? especially around your new boyfriend who very clearly hated me. and why wouldn't he? i was the closest person to you. i'd be envious of our relationship too if i were on the outside looking in.
i just want you to be happy. and if that's without me in your life then so be it. in all honesty, i wonder if this is ultimately a good thing. we were glued to each other's hips with no intention of meeting anyone else and ever since we stopped speaking, my other friendships are flourishing. i've met new friends and gotten in touch with old ones. i'm closer to my family now.
i hope you've found silver linings in our break up. i have.
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