What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
Dear X,
I tried. I really did. I tried to keep talking to you as though everything was alright even though it was the 5th time you'd disappeared on me. The last time it happened you apologized endlessly, I had a lot happen and you weren't there. You told me you were sorry, so sorry, a shitty boyfriend, and that I should leave you the next time it happened because I didn't deserve that and you didn't deserve me. But how can I just leave someone I love so deeply? It hurt every time you left without a word and responded to others but not to me. Somehow despite the last disappearance I forgave you because that's just who I am, I trusted you. Yet, you still left again. You left again and when you finally did return you spoke about how plagued your mind was of dark, sorrowful thoughts. How you thought about ending your life, how you read letters from widows to their late husbands that would weep every night because they didn't know why their husband took their life, how you never wanted me to be one of those people. So you'd rather end our relationship there so you could deal with those thoughts and seek help. I cried, of course, how could I not? The person I had loved and spent years with telling me this was the end of the road. I felt guilty for crying then because I shouldn't be sad, you're seeking help, but I was so hurt. I still am months later knowing you haven't gotten help but at least you're doing better. That night we broke up you did your best to make me laugh even though my best friend was leaving me. I was mad at you for that, I told you,"you're making me laugh and I'm still crying, let me be sad." But you went on anyway telling me you loved me through it all which hurt the most, you got mad at yourself each time you said it like it was now a crime to say it but when we finally parted ways you again said you loved me, even called me babe again and that did it for me. I tried to help you as best as I could but you didn't want the help I felt like I wasn't enough for you to even try for. After we broke up I thought that was it, you'd go back to your deafening silence but you spoke to me more after we broke up than you did when we were together. Why? You'd talk to me about anything and everything like you did when we were at our best. So why was it easy for you to talk to me after the fact than it was before? I couldn't understand it and I still don't, it just breaks my heart every time.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
Should i listen to my feelings after a break up?
I was with this person for about 10 years then we broke up . I still love him but i think he doesn't care anymore . Is it stupid that i still think that was tru...
-
My Unsent Letter
hello again, it's been awhile. since your birthday in march, actually. not to alarm you, but i've been waiting and counting the days until you'd reach out again...