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I am a 20 years old virgin, never had a relationship, never been kissed. I dont feel any sexual attraction towards anyone, i dont have crushes but i did love one person once, never told them, nothing happened. i will enjoy it if someone comliments me, and i will want to go to that coffee shop to meet with that barista that looked kind and talked to me like they were interested. But i wouldnt want to have sex with them in any way. Am i asexual? I dont think i can say that.. because i do masturbate... but not to porn? I dont ever want to do something with someone other than cuddle and be with them. Id very much like to stay a virgin the rest of my life, but i would want to love and be loved.
It doesnt really bother me, i havent been in a healthy mental state for years so i havent and i wont drag someone else in my mess. I was just wondering
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So, you’d rather be a super cuddly baby, like hang out with siblings and always get to do fun stuff and not worry about bills? You’d rather be a cuddly baby, rather than pursue a relationship?
ReplyIm sorry i dont get what bills have to do with what i said. Im pretty sure theres no need for more humans on earth, especially not some having me as a parent. I would share my bills with the person i loved if i ever got in a relationship, i just wouldnt fuck them or let them fuck me. And i wouldnt pursue a relationship bc i would be a toxic partner with undiagnosed mental health issues. Have a good day
ReplyYour sex life really doesn’t matter. Being a virgin doesn’t make any less or more of a human. You could be asexual or sex-repulsed. It’s pretty common. I myself have absolutely no interest in sex of any sort and the thought alone make me uncomfortable, but I still desire intimacy, just of a different sort. I’m glad it doesn’t bother you because it absolutely shouldn’t!
ReplyHi, do you think that not wanting to have relations might be correlated with your mental state? It is certain you are not asexual as you shared you do masturbate. I might venture to guess this might be one of the reasons. I think this has to happen with the right person and once it happens, you will enjoy sex. Your age does not matter when it comes to being a virgin. Do not let social constructs to dictate when you have sex for the first time. Also, don't frame it as "losing your virginity" this can create in your subconscious a heavy bad connotation to the concept of having sex and create a predisposition in any future. You don't want that I am sure. You want to genuinely discover if this is what you want or not. Just think about it, there are things that arouse you when you are in the act and therefore, you do like sex.
I will advise you to continue discovering yourself and what is that you like. You are in the right path. This will help you in your life not only on the sexual side but to know yourself. What is it that you like and what are your limits.
You mentioned that you had feelings for someone a time ago. Did this person gave you butterflies in the stomach, a good feeling of being around them. Did their presence or image created some kind of physical attraction to you? These are good questions that you can use to explore your own mind and discover the path on what is best for you.
Last but not least, always practice self nourishment. Give yourself love, look in the mirror every morning and tell that person how beautiful they are. It might feel weird, but it works wonders. Because you are awesome!
I hope this helps you in any way. With warm regards,
ReplyOmg, i relate so much. I didnt even know i was asexual either. I just thought i was busy with other goals in life. I only recently coined it, after having a deep convo with myself. I was comparing people to fishes. Fishes are pretty and they come in all sort different colours and forms. Pufferfish can be mesmerising to look at too. But its not like id wanna have sex with the fishes. Theres just an intrinsic disinterest. Pretty to look at and thats it. Sometimes i do come across eye candies, but even then at most, id think wow, i could watch this fish/person until i die and not want anything beyond that. But that bit could just be me. In the same convo, i also compared humans to curtains. Once my mom pulled out a catalog of curtains and had me pick one out. I didnt pick any so instead she pointed at one asked me if liked it and i said "its nice". My mom instantly turned to my father and said "see, even your child likes that curtain. Ive told you its a good choice." i then corrected my mom and said "i said it was nice. I can admit that. I didnt like it though." I think asexuality is kinda the same idea. You can say that people are nice to look at but you dont really want em around. (im an aroace) At this point im like, well, if im comparing people to fishes and curtains and thats not asexuality. I dont know what is.
(im 23 and have not been in a relationship either. I dont think people around me too faze by it. Apparently i have a very not straight vibe. psst. I do masturbate too. And not to porn either haha. It doesnt invalidate your identity. A sex positive asexual is also a thing. It doesnt have to be one or the other. Check out anthony padilla's interview with asexuals! Its a funny video and i think its a great starting point. All the best, honey! Keep your head up. The barista story made me smile.)
ReplyYoutr way of explaining it to yourself is so beauiful, your way with words in general. I watched that video when it was released
ReplyThank you so much, this helped me, (the rest of the people commenting as well). You are a wonderful human being thank you for spending your time for me
ReplyI remember feeling this way before I found someone. I could never imagine being in any sort of relationship let alone having sex with someone. The idea just seemed so foreign to me. Then I met someone I wanted to give my whole being to and things began to change. It was scary and awkward but also exciting and enticing. Once it happens you wonder why you ever made such a big deal out of not doing it in the first place. For me I was with my first love for almost 4 years and I thought he would be the only one but after we broke up it was surprising to find that it wasn't so hard to give of myself that way again as long as the feelings are there. I have never had sex with someone I didn't think I was in love with and I'm not sure if I could or not. Right now the thought of a one night stand or something like that is as foreign to me sex in general was when I was a virgin. I guess you just don't know how you feel about something until you try it. LOL , writing that just reminded me of the Dr. Suess book Green Eggs and Ham.
Replyasexuality is a very likely reason for this. masturbation doesn't cancel out the fact that you don't feel any sexual attraction. libido and sexual attraction aren't the same thing. this article explains the differences, as well as a bunch of other related topics, really well: https://www.healthline.com/health/what-is-asexual#desire-vs-attraction. i hope this helps!! - a fellow asexual
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