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My mom read my diary. Without my permission. I almost ended up in a loony bin because my mom 'couldn't deal with me.' I knew telling her about the cutting was only going to make life worse. I knew better than to write my inner most secrets down. I knew better than to leave the knife out. I knew better than to tell her, but I did. And I regret it. Last night, I went for a walk and took a cuticle thing with me. I ended up making welts and scratches on my arms and thighs. It felt good. I broke my promise to my best friend to tell her when I wanted to self-harm. I broke another promise to her when I actually scratched. I know I need to tell her, but she just went away for college and I hate it when she feels bad, and I know telling her makes her feel bad. I need to cut. The urge is overwhelming and all I want is to feel okay, good. I do better when I cut. I exercise more, I eat better, I'm more productive. I'm smart about the cutting, though, and I clean them well. I'm probably going to cut after I post this. I'm mainly posting this because I want to figure out the thoughts in my head. I don't know if it worked, I'm still going to cut. I've missed it. Goodnight, lovely person. I hope you have a wonderful day/night.
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I advise stopping the cutting while you can because it is addictive and you will have a difficult time stopping it later on.
ReplyStop cutting. You're slowly killing yourself. You're hurting the beautiful body God gave you. Please stop cutting. Even though I don't know you, I care about you. I care about your beautiful body and beautiful soul. Please stop hurting yourself.
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