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I am 56 years old and have decided after years of abuse to end my relationship with my older sister Jan. I have been bullied, belittled, criticized, and berated by her pretty much my entire life. I have written letters and spoken to her many times about her abusive nature and she refuses to acknowledge anything or apologize. My father stopped speaking to her before he died and would not tell me why, but I think it's because she took my deceased mother's ashes from him and would not return them. I was my father's caretaker for many years after my mother passed away. Last year, as we were cleaning out the house that I lived in with my father, Jan broke in while I was at work and took items from the home without permission. I texted her and told her how upset I was over this and that she would have been furious if I had done that to her. She never apologized or acknowledged my text. She broke into the house a second time and removed even more items. I told her again how upset I was and her response to me was that I was crazy. I have not spoken to her since although she has tried to speak to me at family gatherings and with family business dealings. I have decided I just can't take it anymore and no longer want her in my life. Every time she has anything to do with me at all, I end up being miserable and having to clean up the mess she has left behind. I have grappled with writing her a letter to tell her that I don't want her trying to even speak with me anymore, but I know that she will show it to everyone in the family and say how crazy I am. I read in a book about toxic family members that you don't have to say anything to them, that you can just stop speaking to them. But the book also said that the toxic family member will try and smear you and divide the family which I believe she is already doing, but not positive. I have tried so hard to have a relationship with her and have wasted so much time with her, I just want to move forward and have a happy and peaceful life. The book called, "But It's Your Family..." said that you can still love the toxic family member from afar, but I have no love for her at all. She has intentionally done everything she could to destroy my self esteem, self confidence, and self worth and she has succeeded. If she were on her death bed, I would not go to say goodbye. I have absolutely no love left for her at all. I am sincerely hoping that cutting her out of my life completely will open the door for healing and for new, positive and happy people and experiences to come into my life. I just want peace, love, and happiness.
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I can understand why you feel that way and why you wanna cut ties with her. Breaking in stealing that stuff is really low. I mean she couldve discussed I want such n such like a grown civilized adult. That's also bad she left you as care taker of your dad. Treating you badly also is simply not right. I suppose you can love her from afar. I don't know what makes people like that. You did all you could do trying to set her straight telling her how you felt. It's all anybody can do. I have toxic family as well. I can't cut ties with them yet but perhaps one day. You just gotta do you and try to be happy who knows how long any of us has on this earth.
ReplySounds like it's long overdue, I hope it works out for you, you're definitely doing the right thing even if it maybe doesn't feel like it just a little bit.
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