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It gets so difficult to keep any bit of sanity I manage to find. I can stay out of my head if I keep myself distracted or busy but there isn't always something to do and I find myself alone s o much of the time. If the only person around me is me what am I supposed to do when things start to go sour? I can always feel it.. Pressure, weight, heavy, crushing, suffocating me I cant breathe I can't think about anything but the things I spend all my time avoiding. I'm so alone literally all the time. I talk to my best friend everyday and it helps while we're talking but as soon as that's over I start feeling the sense of impending doom creeping back in and unless I somehow manage to fall asleep immediately its just crippling and it hurts so much it hurts so much it hurts it hurts so much. I cant spend every second of every day talking to someone just to keep me from losing myself in this pit of despair I constantly find my self on the precipice of. How can I laugh and have such a wonderful time and talking to my best friend and then still end up spiraling and spiraling and spinning crashing falling slipping through the cracks of my sanity. How am I supposed to just be if my mind doesn't even feel safe? Why do I feel like I just want to go home when I'm literally in my home all the time? Where did my home go? Why isn't it here where I literally live? I want to go home but I am home but I don't feel like I'm home but I am home but it doesn't feel like it and I just want to go home but I am home I am home why doesn't my brain want to acknowledge that I am home I am in my home in my room in my bed why do I want to go home where is it where is my home if its not here where is it? I've already lost so much why can't I just feel like I'm home in my own home? Why can't I just have this one little piece of comfort? Why can't I keep this one little bit of sanity?
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Your mind is a powerful thing and for a long time i thought i had no control. After learning about myself and the world we live in i found the best way is to embrace it.
Replysince u claim the only person u have around is yourself...its only sane to assume the only one keeping u from peace is yourself too. dont be too hard on yourself alright? try doing things u like...i think its great to have a couple hobbies. they will help u feel at ease, maybe try reading?
You might be at UR home but its incomplete without things that u feel passionate about...home is where ur loved ones or loved things r.
im so sorrry btw i realized im a year late lol hope u dont mind.
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