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Twigger warning! Some v heavy stuff
I must be evil, because normal people don't think like me. They don't have to bite themselves to say "stop! don't think such things!". I must be evil, because I think about doing horrible things to myself and others. If people could read my mind they would want to kill me. Sometimes I want to kill myself. I regularly think about hurting myself and others. I don't want to hurt anyone. I think about hurting my cats. I would never act upon these thoughts, but I'm terrified of losing control one day and snapping. I don't want to hurt my cats. I love them. I think about sexual things, even though I'm asexual and never want to do those things. I can't control my own thoughts and I hate it and I hate myself for it. I wish I could turn my brain and my imagination off forever, so I never experience these evil thoughts ever again. I feel so guilty.
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You don't have to feel guilty for it. I have sexual thoughts all the time and I still can't figure out which gender I'm attracted to. I think about hurting myself all the time and I follow through with it a lot and sometimes when people get on my nerves, yeah, I do think about hurting them. And not just in that way that people are like "Oh Imma hurt you," it's like I literally want to hurt them. So you're not alone. You're not weird. And if you turned your imagination off forever your life would be very dull. Keep being yourself and remember that you might not realise it all the time, you are loved. ♥♥
ReplyTalk to someone and get advice (your on your way talking to us!). There might be confusion that a professional can help clear. As long as you don't act on these things, you are guilty of nothing. But if you want to be healthier, please look into finding someone to talk to. Remember, things can get better!
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