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I should've walked away when I first heard that guys voice on your side of the phone.
I should've walked away when I found out you were using child support money to buy soda, fast food and pot for yourself.
I should've walked away when I found out you were blackmailing an ex into paying your rent and phone bill.
I should've walked away when you ghosted me for 2 months.
I should've walked away when you first looked at me with disgust.
I should've walked away when you pointed a loaded handgun at your son. Doesn't matter if it was a joke in your head or not.
I should've walked away when you wouldn't let me spend MY money how I wanted to.
I should've walked away when you started withholding sex.
I should've walked away when I caught you lying for the millionth time.
But in all the times I should've walked away, I didn't. Instead, it was you who walked away and now I'm broken beyond repair.
Not only because of what you said to me, but also because I could see how pathetically weak I was. That no matter what you did wrong, I just could not fathom saying goodbye.
I hate myself for that. Add it to the rest of the bricks of solid shit that make up the structure of my entire life.
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