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Back in June my father was having some depressive thought and was talking to me on the phone. I was consoling him and trying to help him. Towards the end of the conversation he said I wouldn't even know if he killed himself because I don't call him enough. He's been in an on again off again relationship with his girlfriend since I was six years old. I am now 26. Whenever he is with her he doesn't talk to me. We'll talk on the phone sometimes but for a short time. When they're on a break he'll call me everyday until they get back together. Im not angry anymore but I told him this. He wasn't with his girlfriend when this conversation happened. I told him that when he's with her he's enjoying his time with her and we don't talk. He got angry and said not to blame her. I said I didn't. We said we love each other and haven't spoken since. I feel like he's waiting for me to apologize but I don't want to.
I use to live with my mother. I had my room there, with all my stuff up. Pictures, posters, figurines, etc. I left mostly everything and moved out because I haven't been working and I didn't want my mother's husband to be angry that he had to take care of me. The years before, I moved out I paid most of the bills. I was going to move back in last month so I could find a joke b and start helping with bills again. When I came home and saw my younger sisters, ny sister's husband and my mother all in the kitchen and they all seemed worried. I did my greetings gave hugs. My youngest sister seemed to wanna hide. My other sister took her baby and they went outside. Her husband stayed on the table silent. Then my mother said "I packed your stuff". My heart dropped. I ran to my room and when I opened my door all my furniture was there but my sister and her husband moved in. All my stuff from the walls and drawers and shelves was packed and put in the closet. I was just there a week ago fixing everything for me to move back in. I was hurt. They didn't say anything. They didn't call or text me. They didn't tell me anything. I am hurt and angry. My mother kept asking if I was angry with her. I couldn't answer. I said I live ve you mom. Gave her a kiss and left. She tried calling me twice. I answered but I was hurting and didn't hear anything she said. I asked my older sister if she had told them to do that. Told them just to move in and not tell me anything. She said no. Then she told me that wasn't important that I had other things to think about and she's right but I'm still hurting and angry. I haven't spoken to any of my family since. I love them so much and I always apologize and hold in my emotions so everything is fine. So they won't be mad at me and I don't like being mad at them but I don't think I'm wrong for being hurt. But I haven't spoken to them in a month an a half and they won't call me and I don't want to because I'm still hurt. But I miss them. Should I just apologize for being immature so everything could be okay again?
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First - I can imagine how hurt you must have been. No one can blame you for being hurt. I'm sure there is a lot of background story and everyone will tell it from their point of view, so at the end of the day there is no clear answer on "who's right and who's wrong". The important thing is you only have one mom. Sometimes our loved ones hurt us or we hurt them. But I suspect your mom loves you unconditionally and you love her the same. Time is gold, don't waste it being apart from those you love if you still have them in your life.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
ReplyI love my mom and my family but she's not the greatest person to be around. As a mother when you're little she adores you and gives you the world. She you're about maybe 13 to 15 she sees that you're growing and becoming your own person. "You don't need her", so to speak she starts to make you feel guilty about anything and everything. I dealt with it a lot. I've been sorry for things I didn't even do. I've been sorry for working more than 40hrs a week to pay for credit cards and bills but not getting her a gift that cost me hundreds. I've been sorry for not being a good daughter for just having a boyfriend because now my attention isn't on her anymore. I love her but she could have been a person. I've always apologized to my family. Sorry for many things. This time I want to hear an apology from them. I want to hear, " I'm sorry for packing up your things and making you feel like you've been kicked out.", "I'm sorry we took your furniture and room when you were going to move back in.", " Sorry I gave away things that were yours without telling you", " I'm sorry we didn't care for your feelings or think about how you'd feel and did whatever we wanted because you're always letting everything go anyway we thought this time would be no different.". Instead I get silence. They know I'll break eventually and come home to say sorry. Again. The worst part is I continued to see the sister that took my room back and forth at her husband's house for them to party every weekend. They took down my room my possessions my home so that she could feel comfortable with my furniture and in my bed but she isn't even there most of the time she's at her other home.
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