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Been friends with him for 2 years, took a few months to gain feelings but somehow I did lmao. We’ve rarely ever hung out in person like technically he’s my online friend who I went to school with but never talked to irl.
But apparently I have this thing towards him called “limerence” and it’s not love, it’s just like really obsessive infatuation. And I’m pretty sure he knows I kinda like him, maybe cuz I flirt with him andddd I’ve admitted I had feelings for him like twice before. Idek, he had feelings for me for a short time apparently.
But it’s just so easy to be doing something random like I’ll go get ice cream from the freezer and start thinking “imagine eating ice cream with him” and then happily day dreaming of a scene like that. Or I’ll think about what it’d be like to just cuddle with him or watch at he Netflix show with him that he really likes but I find scary.
And sometimes I’ll text him things like “I want a hug” and he’ll just brush it off because iM jUsT jOkInG.
But every once in a while it’ll build up this feeling of rejection and I’ll refuse to talk to him and I’ll cry for a few hours about it but I’ll wake up the next day and feel normal again.
What’s so annoying is I’ve tried to stop having feelings for him by distancing myself from him for a few days and every single time throughout the break, my feelings for him just get stronger. One time we had this argument and didn’t talk for 10 months. At the time I still went to school with him and every single time I saw him, I just got so nervous. I just constantly felt something towards him even tho I wanted to hate him for what he did. And every time we go back to being friends, we just click. It feels perfect, like when we go back to talking, it feels perfect.
We text all day every day so he was already in my brain on a regular basis but now I just constantly think about him and doing things together in a romantic sense.
I’m really hoping this “limerence” thing wears off soon. It’s supposed to last 3 years at most and I know he won’t ever have feelings for me but then I have that crazy thought about how if we just hung out and did stuff together maybe he would like me. And I hate that I have this feeling, it feels good but I don’t want to be obsessed with someone lmfao. He’s a good guy, lovable, friendly, funny (even if I sometimes hate his humor), forgiving, handsome lol, pretty much everything you’d want but I don’t think it’ll ever actually work.
I wish we could just be friends without me catching feelings for him
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