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Many people said that I am selfish and I always put myself first.
Even my mother told me that I always care about myself and not others.
I can't tell this to my mother because I know she will scold me for being impolite and not respecting her.
But I want to defend myself here.
"Mom, am I that selfish for you? Why? What did I do to be accused of this sin?
You keep saying that you abandoned your future and your dreams to work non-stop and support us until we grow up. But did we ask for that? In the first place you were not there when we grow up. And thanks for the sacrifice you did we got everything although we never want it in the first place. Good education? A house and material things? Nope, we grow up having those things but did you ask us if we are happy? Did you ask us what we want? NO! We have education but we grow up learning that not having a father and hating him is correct, we grow up in a house but we have our family broken, we received a lot of things from you but we lack maternal love and care. Are we happy? Am I happy seeing other children grow up with a father and mother by their side? No, I am jealous. I grow up to be a jealous child who yearns love from a mother. I am a happy person outside but inside of me I am questioning myself if I am happy.
You said I am selfish that I always care about myself. Yes Of course I am, I need to care about myself because all I have is myself. I am not selfish, I just care about me first before you and other people. I cared too much before that I was ignored and now that I learned to love myself then you called me selfish? I earn what I have today because I work hard, is it not bad to have something to reward myself? Do I need to repay you for all the things you have given me? Of course I need to do that because you are my mother, but please keep in mind that I am doing it little by little and not just in full payment. Do you expect me to give everything I have? That's too much selfishness.
And I am not selfish, I don's even have a lover. So I care and love myself.
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You aren't the only one. People who grow up without love become self nurturing.
ReplyI completely understand what you’re saying, and I feel you probably yearn to blurt this all out to your mother. Maybe, you will.
Don’t completely back down from this philosophy as, of course, in this world ‘’selfishness’’ is necessary. Everyone is selfish but in different ways, some are selfish yet don’t act in their best interest. Is that you?
I do hope you can try your hardest to put yourself in your mothers shoes, unbiased. You will probably find sense in her side, though obviously not in all of it (clearly by this post), but in the end she is your mother so it is your obligation to cope with her and treat her right despite her irrationality. That way, the universe will reward you... isn’t that what a selfish person would want? I don’t know if you believe in God (you mentioned sin so I assume), but being good and more understanding to your mother and not hurting her feelings will yield reward onto you. It’s a great deed, so you can’t lose. Still do what you want to do but be smart and do it in a way to make your mother happy. If you are not willing to give her what she wants completely, at least compromise to make her happy, I guess like the money thing (though I don’t know if she is happy). It is hard to comment on this without hearing your mothers current perspective and learning more about your and her story, so take all with a fair pinch of salt :). Good luck.
ReplyMaturity is taking criticism in a professional manner. If MANY people tell you this, then consider their words.
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