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i just want to delete everything. i’m sick of this. i hate eating. i hate how i feel fat and how i feel like a whale and i don’t deserve to eat. i’d rather go hungry. maybe then i’ll hate how i look a little less. but i won’t stop. ill keep hating myself until i’m gone. it’ll never stop. ill never truly like what i see because i know how i am on the inside. and i hate that. i hate everything. i’m annoying. i talk too much. i’m too loud. my laugh is annoying and ugly and weird. i’m not funny. i’m not easy going. i’m not smart. i’m stupid and ugly and annoying. i hate every time i look in the mirror and i hate my brain. it never stops. i cant turn it off. i cant stop it. i cant stop how i feel. i can only retreat from the world and fall into a safe dark space in my brain for a little bit of time.
idk how to not feel like this. i’m trying to get better. i really am. but i feel like i’m watching myself out of my own body just spiraling out of control. i cant stop it. idk how to. how am i supposed to get help without alerting anyone. i cant put extra baggage on them. i cant have them deal with my body. i’m already an inconvenience. i just wish i could turn it all off. turn my brain, my feelings and my pain off.
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I promise asking for help is the best step towards loving yourself one day. If you have anyone who truly loves you they will gladly take a little extra weight to help you out. As a Soldier no matter the person a cry for help we help because we love them. NO baggage is ever enough if it means someone happier, healthier or safer. We all come with a little baggage, some a little more then others and I promise you any decent person won’t mind taking some of it means in the end another fellow brother or sister benefits from it. I’m sure your family or friends would be more then happy to help you through this and if not there is always someone I PROMISE you that. I’ve met a lot of people from all walks of life and 99% of them would help another in need in a heart beat. You’re struggling with a lot right now so please reach out and I promise it will be the best thing you have ever done. A weight will be lifted off your shoulders. Someone is willing to go that mile for you wether it be your, Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister, or Friend. Someone is there. We are all in this together. We have 1 life and I’m counting on you to make it the best one you can. I’m rooting for you.
ReplyIt breaks my heart to know you are going through this and to hear how you speak of yourself. I hope that you may find peace and the beauty within yourself through all the things that make you, you. You are unique and brave and strong. I can tell because you've written this piece. Combat every negative thought with an uplifting one, surround yourself with people who will uplift, encourage, and love on you. Go for a walk to clear your head, how you look on the outside won't matter if you don't work on your inside. Self love is the first part, you can do this!! Take care of yourself and God bless
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