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I try to scream
But nothing comes out
The monster claws from deep inside
Where I tried to bury it
For the thousandth time
Yet again it escaped
It’s creeping up my body
Until it reaches my mind
I start taping my fingers
It controls me now
Knuckles pop
Hands wag
Anything to get it out
Then my head goes silent
I can’t hear anything but the creature in my head
Whispers echo
Burden, Useless
Fat, Disgusting
Dramatic, Selfish
Annoying, Worthless
The words are drilled into my head until
I finally bury the beast within
But the words are still there
Festering in my mind
While it might be buried for now,
The demon has left its mark
Soon it’ll come alive once again
And then the cycle repeats
I can’t stop thinking
What if it’s true
What if I’m a burden for all of you
You say no
You say I’m beautiful
And talented
And kind
So I nod my head
"sure"
I say
"I believe you"
the thing is,
I don’t know if we’re both lying
Now I’m crying
And no I don’t know why
I guess its all the things inside
I just can’t hide
im sorry.
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I have encountered this kind of creature before, if you push them, they push back. I learned they can be harnessed, worked with, they will obey if you give them a direction. They are very sensitive, and do not like rejection, they get feisty if personally hurt. If they get antsy, in most cases, they are bored. They can get destructive if they get bored. Mine follows me, it likes scaring me if I do not pay attention to it, but stops when I ask. It is like a big dog that is smarter, and is spoken to through thoughts and emotions. Make peace with this creature, hear these thoughts and emotions, let them speak, ask them for their reasons, then compare the evidence. It could be it sees your fears, and is trying to help you confront your fears by having them brought forward. Take each day as it comes, let love guide you, and know we love you.
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