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Hi. So, Just a brief background, when I was in elementary I got consistently bullied from grades 1-4 from different people in different ways. As I grow up, I thought those experience didn’t affect me at all since I think I’m fine and I didn’t become a bully nor have any trauma. However, now that I’m in college, I encounter different people and ofc we can’t avoid encountering harsh ones (idk the right term). Just recently, my classmate approached me and confronted me and made me feel that I’m not a good leader. But that’s not the case, I observed that I felt uneasy the moment she open it up and I’m literally trembling and panicking idk or having an anxiety attack and i’m starting to overthink that they were talking behind my back or planning something bad. Idk i just cant help but think those things and it adds up to my anxiety. Then, I sudden realized that I’ve always been like that. I fear fights. I don’t wanna hear or witness people fighting it makes me tremble. I’m so afraid of making people around me mad because I’m afraid that they might make fun of me or hurt me physically. :(( That’s why i think i tend to please ppl because i’m afraid that i might pissed them off and they’ll just hurt me :((
guys, could it be possible that i got it from my experience when i was elementary? or if not, what could be the cause? any advice from who experienced the same on how to fight those fear?
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hey so im really sorry to hear what you are going through and i thought i might share my thoughts on it.
!!!!!!!!!before i say anything please keep in mind that im not a professional im just a regular person!!!!!!!!! so firstly i think that the reason you avoid confrontations may be because your body subconsicoulsly wants avoid the pain you felt in elementary school..and that may have left a mark.
i myself consider to happen to go through the same thing without the bullying part. i have never been bullied in my life but i cant take criticism or handle confrontations..UNTIL i started doing this:
so what i did was to reason to myself. i thought: hhmm will be seeing any of these people in 5 years? if the answer was no i simply stopped caring about their opinions of me. yes, some might have talked behind my back or even said stuff to my face (and even though) it hurt at the beginning, i just bore through it. like if this person wants to start a fight and IM RIGHT..let it burn.
the thing you feel when you stand up to someone to protect your ground is euphoric.
i think that everytime you feel this way about someone negatively commenting on you think: will i see this person in 5 years?
however, this rule has an exception, and it is that if this person is being rude for no reason and you kind of have to see them in 5 years, you do not have an obligation to please them or keep a good relationship with them.
ReplyHiii, thankyouuuu for this advice :) when I was overthinking again, i think of this and it kinda work. 💗
ReplyI am sorry to hear about what has happened in your past, it must have been really hard to get through that. I understand how you're feeling though, I have felt the same exact way and the best thing I can tell you is talk to family and friends; they help so much. Also trust me they will not hurt you, they are selfish people that think that putting others down will make them better. I learned that we will always encounter someone who won't like us or try to put us down in life but we have to keep pushing forward! Things will get better don't worry. No one will hurt you love trust me :) <3
ReplyThank youuuu for your heart-warming advice. Yup, I’m reminding myself now that no one will hurt me whenever I feel afraid. :)
ReplyIf you never stand up for yourself you will keep getting picked on. Years ago I used to be afraid of people when they picked on me and it was because I am small and was over sensitive. Then one day I must have had enough. I don't remember my first fist fight but I know I have had many. They started when someone was nasty to me I would always say in a stern voice, "Don't speak to me like that you c**t!" Then the person would hit or punch me and I got stuck right into them. I always went in with my left and went in hard and fast. I didn't fear fights I enjoyed them. They were good exercise. I am past that now but I still use my voice to stand up for myself. I am a woman who is five feet one inch tall. You need to change your fear into aggression and if you don't want to fight at least use your voice to stick up for yourself. When that one told you aren't a good leader you should have had something to say to her. It is no good to say nothing and then go away worrying about people turning on you. No wonder you have anxiety. When someone is nasty to you let them know you aren't going to take it and have a go back at them. If they hit you have them on an assault charge or punch the crap out of them.
Replyhi, thank youuuu for your advice. I’ll keep that in mind :)
Replyalmost any emotional trauma, is exactly that, trauma caused by past events. its a direct result of something that has happened to you. hope you find relief someday x
Replythank youuuu 💗
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