What are you looking for?
1 week ago · · Stress · Explicit
From the outside we look like the perfect hallmark family. Today we woke up, went to a farm to go through a corn maze and pumpkin picking. We would run through the maze to scare each other, the sun warming us up. Then we bought a bag of smoked cheese that we all loved so we went back and bought 3 more bags. Then we get back to our dog and chickens and carve our pumpkins outside on the picnic table, flinging the pumpkin pulp at each other. Then we eat dinner, soup and buttered bread. After that we sit around the fire and play charades. Then we watch a cheesy Halloween movie. On the inside it’s much messier. 7 of us, but it me, my dad, and my two brothers. Then there’s my dad’s girlfriend and her two kids, both younger than me. They both were married but cheated on their partners, now both think they are in the right. Both lived extremely privileged lives, have traveled the world and expect us to have the same interests as them, but they went to private schools and had an actual childhood, whereas they robbed me of mine. After the divorce, she tried to sue my mom. It fell through, but she’s a bitch. She acts so nice and laughs at everything, it’s so absolutely fake. I’ve been struggling with depressions during self harm and my father decided I didn’t need to see a therapist anymore. Also, they’re both low key homophobic, which is super annoying. I feel uncomfortable knowing that they wouldn’t even like me if I wasn’t straight. They don’t respect others humanity. I hate all of them except my brothers and yet from the outside it looks like we are the perfect “family”, though they’ll never be my family. People are so fake. I look up to my older brothers gf and she seems to like them and they love her, the other kids hugging her and sharing clothes, which makes me high key jealous because I have trouble expressing emotions and affection. But then I hear from my mom that my brothers gf actually hates them. I’m so confused. And not to mention my mom cornering me and asking me if I like them and me constantly having to reassure her that I don’t. I’m sick of being my mom’s therapist. I was in the car with her and we saw my dads gf and she just goes “she’s so ugly”. Like I know she ruined our lives but I’m your daughter and I don’t need to listen to you telling me how horrible she is. I’m still in high school I should be allowed to live my life instead of wanting to end it.