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So my friend and I started this writing blog for fun, and it's been a blast. But lately, i've started feeling jealous and insecure: her pieces always get more attention than mine. I don't get why. I'm happy for her, I really am. But I can't help it. Are my pieces just not likable? I feel like that's the case. When I read her pieces, they feel natural and well paced. You can understand the emotions well. Mine feel too fast, and clumsy, as if an AI wrote it. Before you come and tell me, yes, i know shouldn't compare myself to others, i know i can improve, but honestly, i never feel good enough in anything i do, my projects feel like crap, when i write i want to give up immediately and stop it. I'm so tired of feeling like this. I don't want to feel jealous of my friend. I want to feel proud of my piece and not hesitate to ask my friend to review it because i'm scared of what she'll think. I don't want to have to feel like every compliment she tells me is a lie. I don't. But I can't.
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So the reality is, some people are great, natural, writers. Some are not. It doesn't mean this is good or bad. It just is. It's difficult sometimes to find what you are absolutely passionate about, but when you discover it (sometimes by accident) you will be incredible at it, and it will seem effortless. Or, maybe you are good at writing short things, and she is good at writing longer pieces, maybe you are better at interviewing people, or writing comedy, or maybe not writing at all. When you find exactly what makes you want to get out of bed and intrigues you, challenges you, and gives you purpose these things you are feeling won't be there. Remember, there is not ONE person on this earth exactly like YOU.
ReplyYes, I agree with you. I'm also a writer and for the longest time I hated my writing until I discovered where I belong. I like reading books but writing one... I feel like my writing style is too cliche and cheesy. When I fell into depression, my friend introduced me to poetry and when I started writing, everything flew out of me so naturally. You will figure it out soon. Everyone has their own clock.
ReplyHey, I'm not a very good writer, either. I tend to be like you, rigid and to the point but I've also got a knack for dulling out an experience in such a way that it is overly simplistic. Like the sentence you just read lol.
Here's the thing, yes you are correct. You shouldn't judge yourself based on your friend. However, if you can, try to study her writings and actually sit down with her for a writing session together.
Ask her about thoughts, why she wrote that particular sentence in that context. How she so easily conveyed that emotion or reaction.
Be humble about, not jealous. You are also looking at this through a very grey lens. How do you know if your writing is bad? Because it doesn't attract as many people?
Have you ever thought that perhaps most people just aren't on your level? Like in your writings here, I can understand you clearly and I understand that you feel insecure about your own capabilities.
But that's the biggest problem right there, you feel that way because that's what you see. Both in a physical way of seeing with your eyes and an emotional way of seeing with your heart.
You put abstract meanings out random occurrences because it creates a confirmation bias. Maybe it started when you noticed you weren't quite as popular and then slowly, you began to notice a consistency in that randomness. Why?
Because maybe, perhaps, in theory, you already have self esteem issues and this just adds fuel to that. Perhaps you could physically show others your works. People who might be interested in it. You may find that the judgements you've drawn were completely incorrect.
But hey...
That's just a theory...
A PSYCHOLOGICAL THEORY!!
aaaaaand cut
ReplyThe beautiful thing about writing is, its your creation.
Emotions can't be critiqued, and they sometimes are messy, too fast, clumsy and everything in between.
The sense of self doubt happens in all of us, tell me.
What if a doctor felt the same as you because another Dr was more advance than him? And that said Dr quit? But little did he know, that he saved almost as many lives as the other but just never SAW his work. So essentially, What I'm probably butchering at saying is... Just because you may not get the comments, likes, ect on your post, you never know who you are helping in the darkness, who are scared to come out and speak publicly about the issues you have strength to talk about. Don't ever sell yourself short, because you never really know who you are secretly saving. <3 Good will writing.
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