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My Last Fall (Update)
6 months ago · · Cancer,
I have brain cancer. I am fourteen. This WILL be my last fall. No ifs, ands, or buts.
For Halloween and Dia De Los Muertos I am going to be a skeleton. I will put make up on my face and wear a black huipil, a Mexican dress. My huipil will have marigolds on it. Marigolds are the flower of the dead.
I will not try to make it extra special or anything. It is no use. I wish I had died in 2019. Then my last days would not be in quarantine. Luckily, because I am not on chemotherapy or radiation therapy, I can meet up with all of my family. Well, not my grandparents. My grandparents will stay home and we will talk to them through the door.
When I was five years old I was diagnosed. I have been to preschool though. I had a surgery to remove my tumor. But the doctor was only able to get a small portion of it out. I then started chemotherapy. I did it for three years. Being bald was actually kind of- cool? It was not working. At age eight I started radiotherapy. That went on for nine months. I was then asked the hardest question you could ever ask anyone: Are you okay with dying? I kind of laughed typing that. Of course that is not how they phrased it. They just asked if I wanted to stop treatments. But I knew exactly what it meant.
People die. Accepting that is what is hard.
The doctors told me that I had 1-5 years to live. That is a pretty wide range. Well, it is my fifth year. I have been thriving for fourteen years and four months. That is something. I looked it up: 5262 days. That is a lot of days. It could have been more. Oh well.
If karma was real I would have never even got cancer.
But things happen I guess. Whether you want them to or not.
My mom told me that because I had cancer I did not need to go to school. But I wanted as much education as I can get. Maybe my grandma can teach me when I go to Chicunamictlán.
Well, goodbye I guess. What else is there to say?
P.S., If I die and all of that, one of my sisters will tell you. Just FYI.
Señoritas sister here. Today she went to virtual high school like every other day. She seems to be doing normal, not necessarily good. I am a senior and she is a freshman. I will keep you updated around every day so that she can enjoy her time a bit better. We are setting up her death bed. She did struggle a bit today but that is expected. We have twin brothers in sixth grade and a little sister in third grade. They are taking it harder then she is. Nobody wants to loose their sister at eleven or eight. Since this is my senior year, I am thinking about were to go to school after graduation. I want to be a journalist. We did have a conversation today about me staying nearby to help our siblings grief. I think that she does not want me to go somewhere I do not want to go, and that it is my choice. I love her very much. Today is day 5263 of her life. I can not wait for tomorrow.