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I am taken back to the day in my school library where I read a book on preachings of Budha. I remember a story in which a King confronts a meditating Budha to ask why he hadn't paid his respects to the King with him traveling through his kingdom, and with Budha meditating the King got impatient and started insulting him with crude words. And yet Budha didn't stir. When finally Budha awakes from his meditation with a smile to face the king, the king is shocked to see the reaction to his anger returned with a smile and asks Budha how is he not upset by his words, to which Budha replies, 'I haven't accepted your crude words that were directed towards me'. Today when I dug that story from the internet to reread, it turns out, it was a moral on Anger management and my memory put this story on the forefront of my mind because of the next words Budha says, ' Because I didn't accept your crude words they have stayed back with you and they don't belong to me hence I am unaffected by them'.
Today something crude was directed towards me and I was hurt. This hurt sprung the thought did I accept what was called to me and that's why I feel hurt?, did I belittle myself by accepting someone else's negative impression of me when I should know who I am better than them? Do I think the same way about myself as they thought about me? Are all the answers to these question a Yes?
No. The answer to all these questions were No. And the feeling was one of disappointment about the other person, not anger, not resentment but disappointment. Disappointment that my respect towards that person, the non-judgmental understanding warm safety net that I encompass them with wasn't returned to me as well by them. It truly showed that the courtesy of respect for a friend was lost and this was what that hurt me. It wasn't the word that was directed on me but the intentions behind those words that undid me. The disappointment of breaking a relationship and letting them go as my value in their eyes wasn't the same as their's in mine. It looks like the story of Budha stayed with me even after these years for my reaction wasn't of anger but of disappointment.
For a word such as "Bitch" a complex thought process unfurled but in the end it all wound up to the simple words of either 'Accepting' or 'Letting it go'.
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wow, i definitely learnt something from your experience
thank you!
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