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My dream from this morning: History Lesson
6 years ago · · Dreams,
I was in history class taking notes. The teacher was my high school teacher from real life, but the setting was not like high school, more like preparing again for university entrance exams. In real life, I liked this teacher, he was quite knowledgeable and told many details about historical events. He always talked very fast, and as an effect, my high school history notebook was filled with quickly scribbled notes from trying to catch up with teacher. In the dream, I had good handwriting, and I was taking notes more mindfully. I was drawing tables, organizing various datas as I went.
But, I could see that it was becoming so hard to catch up with the teacher, and the history riddled with wars was starting to weigh on me. As I was taking notes about 43 survivors of a war becoming 50 for another war (7 people joined them, and I just noted 43-->50), I stopped and thought to myself:
"I just can't take this anymore. I can't go on with the educational system in this country. I need to find enough money to study abroad."
I need to clarify that above are my thoughts about my country's educational system in real life as well. I did well at school, especially considering my disadvantaged background, but as I went up to university level to finally joing real life, it became obvious that I could not put up with the non-existent education of the universities of my country anymore. I love learning and creating, but there is no place for honest students in this country. Everything is corrupt, and I feel like I've lost the battle (but maybe not war, yet).
There is more to it, I've been reviewing my past lately, in a more methodical way (meaning not just with feelings of bitterness and victimhood). So, the change of my handwriting may be symbolizing that.
I am really tired of the burdens of the past. Everytime I look back, the emotions weigh on me. I become more spiritual as the time went, because everyone needs answers in life, you know. So, I decided to clean up my subconscious from past hurts. That's what made me want to look at my dreams at the first place.
So, I feel the need/urge to withdraw from life in general, so much like the way I feel about history lesson in the dream. The worldly things, at least the way I experienced them, do not match up with my personality and aspirations.
I really want and hope to be a renewed person at the end of this process. Does the process really end at some point though? Living is the hardest lesson, and I'm looking forward to the day it hurts less.