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6 months ago · · dad, · Explicit
My dad has pancreatic cancer, it is in the middle of the pancreas, so its non-removable. Back in June they said he had half a year left. Now we think longer, since he's 'doing well'. I am scared to loose him, I'm not prepared at all. How do I prepare? I don't want to fall more into depression when his time comes..
I find it so difficult to spend time with him, because he does a lot of things that trigger my misophonia (hatred of sound). I feel so conflicted. I want to see him, be with him, and be there for him, but it is so difficult to deal with when I am with him. I love him, but I am also scared of him. Both my sister and I were scared of him most of our lives. He never did anything to us or gave us the impression he would, but we still got scared. Mostly sexual assault scared. That is also why I am scared to go back to him. I am so conflicted.
I am so scared to loose him.