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How do I get my dad to accept me? He knows I'm trans but refuses to accept me or let me transition. He says it's a phase and if I want to transition I'll have to wait until I'm 18. He deadnames me and misgenders me everyday and it hurts really bad.
Any advice on how to get him to accept? Or just getting my parents to accept in general?
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He doesn’t have to accept you, you can find others who do. But if you think he can change, then try to explain it isn’t a phase, it’s how many people identify, and some have their entire lives. He identifies as a man and sees no problem in that, why should how you identify be bad? And remember to stay safe, if it gets worse you can a,ways tell a friend or teacher. Also, maybe try to find a book or articles that explain that being trans is normal and why deadnaming is so bad. I am also transgender, my parents accept but at first they were really bad at remembering and didn’t exactly understand. It took time, but eventually things were okay. You have many people besides him that accept you
ReplyThe comment above is the best advice. If he doesn't immediately accept you, then that's his problem, not yours. He will come around in time, but until then you should try to find people who already accept you as you are.
I've never had any gender/sexual conflicts with my parents, but I had a big conflict when I went vegetarian. They just didn't understand, thought I was trying to be trendy, thought it was a passing phase. It took me 10 years but they eventually figured out that I was serious all along. Here's hoping it doesn't take that long with you and your dad :)
ReplyIt's going to take time. You have to understand that your new expression is alien to him. Be patient. He loves you in his way. Don't look for water in a dry well. Try to look for support elsewhere. Keep expressing your love for them. You belong in the world. You have a right to be happy. You will be. :)
ReplyYou don’t need anyone to accept what the fuck is you are. Do your thing baby I gotcha
Replyoh boy. i have good news and some bad news.
good news. there is a possiblity he will eventually except you!
the bad news: it will take alooooooot of time.
i came out 6 years ago. did not go well. i turned 18, my mother basicallly black mailed me into preventing me from starting T and everything. it wasn't until i was in college that i was like " alright, fuck it, it's this or i'm dying' and i started T.
oh was my mother pissed. she was all butt hurt and snarky and really immature about the whole thing.
i've been on T 2 years now.
i have a beard. my voice is deeper. i recently got my name changed
my dad, started to talk about things. he's started to get used to me with a beard. he said that he ' can live with' the name i chose.
sadly though, even with all this, They still have not called me by my pronouns or my name. my chosen name and dead name both start with K so they just call me 'K'.
but what all this means is that
it will take time. they might take 1 step forward or 20 steps forward in a years time. it may take 6 years it may take more. ( mine are taking more, the old farts.) but they are getting there ish.
my ex was also a tans guy and his mom was so against him being him until after he transitioned, so i think alot of it is just allowing them time to adjust. to them it's out of the blue and may even feel like they are losing a child. it's hard for a parent to go from seeing their little baby who loved pink suddenly say they want a beard and no chest melons.
i think it's always harder to accept when it's Your own kid.. or at least, i think. no idea what my anceint parents think. one thing though. freaking do it. go behind their backs and GET on THAT man JUICE my dude. freaking life change. don't wait around until you're 20 to do it. do it when you turn 18 my dude. please please please, if they black mail you, do it anyways. if they truely love you and not your GAAB, they will not do all they say the would.
also.... they might be scared. remember the stages of grief is a thing and denial is one of them. so. give them time, don't push it toooo much. but do push it a little, don't make them forget. but don't put it in their face the whole time. this is gonna be a rough bit of turbulence in your life and relationship with them.
give them space, give them time, but don't let them forget it either.
i hope the best for you, fellow trans bro, and for sense and understanding to zap into your dad's skull as soon as possible.
- regards
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