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how do you love someone?

1 month ago · 2 · Need Advice, +4


98

hi, so i have bipolar, anxiety, and cptsd. i have had a very hard time with relationships (of ANY kind) my whole life. i always get so lost in them, either i love the person a lot or i hate them and have a very hard time finding a balance. i am really poor with communication and affection. i can only truly apologize or show how much i care often too late. of course on a day to day basis i am not an entirely unaffectionate or apologetic person it's just really hard to REALLY be that way...as in i often have to remind myself that maybe what i said was wrong so i should say sorry or that this person could really use a hug right now maybe you should do that...i need reminders when it comes to these things because im not use to doing them. my closest relationships are few and they switch every couple years..i always end up having a fall out with someone some way or another and no matter how small the issue might have been i always run away. i stop showing up, replying, interacting and overall I try to ignore the persons existence. why do i do that? sometimes i REALLY like the person but cannot for the life of me go back to them and try to have a conversation...more recently i had a relationship end and it was one of the first times in which i found MYSELF wanting to have the very conversation i would avoid all the time with others...the "I'm sorry this happened between us, it was all xyz and im xyz blah blah blah" the person did not want to speak to me and did what I have done to so many others they stopped showing up, replying, interacting, and overall ignored me. that really sucked. i dont like that i have behaved in that way and want to be able to better my relationships with others. there are special people in my life now and i know i cannot control what happens in life but i want to be able to control myself. i am planning on going back to therapy in a bit but i wanted to know what people had to say...if anyone feels the same way, i know its scary but what do you have to lose that you havent lost before out of pure fear

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  • Novni Guest · 1 month ago

    I can only say that I knew someone who was the same. She would walk away from people over some little thing and never have anything to do with them again. Then she made friends with a woman who ended up doing the same to her and she was devastated. This is karma. What goes around comes around. You should cherish your friendships and relationships.

    Reply
  • Novni Guest · 1 month ago

    I'm in a relationship with a young woman with bipolar. I don't know which kind. I'm autistic, so relationships are already challenging to begin with. She doesn't want to have difficult conversations. She wants me to choose the pace of our relationship, but I don't think she's ready for my pace. It's hard being in love with someone who doesn't talk for a couple of days. A small thing becomes a big thing and then she's the one who needs comforting. If you really want to do better, I wish you the best. By all means, take time for yourself. Just remember that some people may need time to adjust.

    Reply

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