What are you looking for?
What I know to be true
1 month ago · · Relationships, · Explicit
Relationships are hard work, there's a degree of sacrifice to it. But so many people, including myself, have this tendency to get into a relationship to add something to their life.
If you're like me, it's because you can't stand to be alone and being single is like being imprisoned. Or maybe you're just heartbroken and you feel like another relationship will help you recover. Or maybe life is just boring and you're looking for a new adventure. Could be several different reasons.
But the fact is that if you want something more permanent, a long lasting relationship, you can't go in trying to fill whatever void. Once that void is full, that person loses their appeal or if that void isn't being filled, you just end up in a really toxic situation.
I'll always say that one of the best methods of finding someone who will be around for a long while is to make sure your demons play well together. Basically that you're sharing similar dislikes and can enjoy the quirks of who they are. So they don't come off as annoying, even outside of a relationship.
But the real key behind it is in having an enjoyment in life without someone else. If you can't enjoy life by yourself, don't expect to enjoy it just because you're with someone new. Sure, it may feel that way for a while. But that will eventually fade as the oxytocin levels die off and you're left with nothing but withered emotions and another waste of time.
And if you're like me, then you're too stupid to see the pattern or you just don't fucking care so you just keep trying the same thing over and over again with different people and you keep hitting the same walls for different reasons.
That's why you gotta be happy to some degree if you want a healthy, long lasting relationship. Trust me, I don't like it either. In fact, I hate knowing it because it prevents me from just jumping to the next relationship. Which is what I want, I want to be loved, I want to be touched, I want to have purpose.
But I know that if I just keep doing this, I'm never going to find what I'm actually looking for. Which sucks, because that means that change is needed and change is never easy. So you end up in this space where you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.
If you don't care about having a healthy relationship then by all means, go out right now and go find that next partner. Just don't expect it to save you from your misery.
That's what I have to tell myself every time I load up some dating site or I think about how utterly painful it is to be alone. Or the over obsessive fear that I'll never find that connection which always leads to suicidal thoughts.
Maybe you're in a similar position, maybe you're not. In the end, the one thing I know to be true is that if you truly want to build something with a significant other, you gotta be capable of building on your own, first.