Hurting

I'm hurting ... my heart is hurting so badly , and I don't know how much more I can take. I'm trying to stay as mature as I can , but he keeps verbally abusing me. I'm trying to co parent with him , but he always disrespects me, and belittles me. I don't know where this is all coming from , but I know I don't deserve it . I know that heshould keep is solely just about our son. I left him , because I was fed up . I had to leave . If I stayed stress would've killed me ; before the cancer. I had to get a backbone. I had to. Do I have to deal with him ? Do I have to co parent even under these conditions , because I can't anymore. I can only avoid it so much ; until I lose my sanity , and he distubs my peace , and he is . I'm trying . I know my son worships the ground he walks on , because he's so young he doesn't understand what his dad does to me, but how else can I get him out MY life without it affecting our child ? I'm so drained of this. I left because of this , and it's still happening . I avoid it as much as I can . I ignore it , and act like it doesn't bother me , but it does . I'm such a good person , and I just don't know what else to do. I am so freaking tired of this . I am mentally , physically ,and emotionally tired of this . Everyday for the last 7 yrs I have been going through this , and it's gotten worse since I was diagnosed with cancer . I need god to help me cope with this , because I have no idea what else to do. I love my son to death he's 3 , and I don't want him in the middle of this , and thus far I've done everything to keep HIM out of it , but it's really affecting my health havign contact with him directly , because of the consistent abuse . I could ask him " could I talk to him" " what time do I pick him off " And he will instantly result to calling me out my name , and knit picking at me about everything , and all of it is not accurate , but he's delusional , and he's miserable . I'm stuck in between a rock , and a hard place . What scares me the most is the older my son get's the more he thinks his dads behavior is normal , and are okay . I don't want him to be his father . I want him to be better than that . I have no clue what's going on , but I know I'm in a dark place because of it , and I need to find a healthier solution fast.