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It feels like there are weights tied to my body, getting heavier each day that goes by. Every time I'm forced to wake up in the morning, the weights make it so damn tempting to just lay there forever. So tempting to just sleep for the rest of my life. So tempting to never wake up. It's like a siren's voice out in the shadows, and each day it gets closer. Each day, it's harder to pull away. I've been dealing with so many things.
Dissociation.
Derealization.
Memory Loss.
Less Sleep.
Worsening Anxiety.
Nobody seems to care. I tell people about my dissociation, derealization, and memory loss, and what do I get?
"It's just stress."
"That's normal."
"Stop being dramatic."
"You're fine."
"The hell, are you on drugs or something?"
Yes, the last one was an actual response that I got.
From my mom.
I've been getting around 7 hours of sleep on school nights, and now it's less than 5&1/2 hours.
My anxiety has been getting horrible too, ever since early October. Flinching at the slightest sudden noise, pulling away from anybody who gets too close, constant paranoia, and I feel like I'm constantly being watched. I've been having anxiety attacks more often, hell I had one right in front of my mom, and she told me:
"Stop being dramatic, it's getting annoying."
Oh yes, thanks mom, thank you for fucking up my mental health even more.
I don't know what to do anymore. I can't go to my therapist because my mom keeps fucking it up and saying that I don't need a therapist at the moment.
I'm just now realizing how much my mom is fucking up my life right now. Dear stars.
I need help. I don't know what else to say. I've begged for help, and I've received nothing. I'm begging y'all. Help me, please.
- SS
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