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I have always been scared to tell people how I feel about, well, most things. For example, when it comes to my favorite music/artists, I feel anxious and scared to tell people what I like to listen to. Im not too sure why, although I think its because my siblings have always made fun of me for many things like this. They don't directly know what kind of music/artist I listen too, although I would never be able to tell them as I know they would make fun of me.
Whenever the topic is brought up, around anyone, I always say that "I just like any music," and I stay quiet. Although, its started to become out of control and has caused an inner battle with myself.
I really want to show my support for the things that I love, and I want to buy their albums and tell people that I listen to them, although, my own anxiety and fear of judgment is stopping me. I know that no one has made me like this, although the small comments that people make have really affected me. Especially because the holidays are here, I want to go out and buy their album and put it on display in my room. Although, this fear of judgement has prevented me from even mentioning it. I feel anxious and scared of how people will judge me. I'm the one who's stopping my self.
1) Im worried they will make fun of me for literally everything about the music.
2) Im worried that they will also be disappointed that I like this group, as it is a boy group, and I guess that means that I am not complexly focused on education and being smart (typical Asian things) like they might've thought.
I have never really openly expressed my opinion on things like this, that make up who I am. Everyone always says to be yourself and all that, but when you are afraid of the judgement, like me, it is one of the hardest things to do.
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I get where you’re coming from. It might be like that because you take what other people say to heart too much, you know? At least it was like that with me. However, because I’ve been there, I know that getting out of that mentality is totally possible. Whatever others say DOESNT matter. You’re a free person who should be able to like whatever you like without judgement and if you get judgement? Then who cares? You shouldn’t. Because that’s their opinion, but yours is the most important. And yes, little comments from your siblings have probably caused you to feel judged a lot, but DONT let them have that power over yourself. Take back your life and own it! Even if people judge you then screw them. They shouldn’t make you feel like you shouldn’t be able to express your opinions. You’re your own person :)
ReplyThank you so much for this. I don't even think that you know how much your comment means to me. I am thinking of starting small and telling a close friend about this situation, and hopefully when I am proven that I wont be judged (as I don't think she would judge me for this at all), then I will gain a little more confidence.
May I ask how you overcame this "fear"?
Thank you so so much!
ReplyHi! You’re most welcome. I’m really glad that what I said helped you :). I’m here to chat anytime if you have anything else you’d like to ask/talk about. Let me know what happens after you tell your friend?
And as for overcoming that fear.... I don’t want to discourage you, but it did take some time. I was surrounded by the wrong people at the time who would judge me a lot (I didn’t know this was the case) and so it made me so insecure that some days I’d never really say anything. It had a huge impact on my grades (because participation was most of the grade) and on my friends. I never had an opinion. It also has to do with self love. When you learn to understand and see how much you’re worth and how amazing you actually are, then the fear will slowly subside. So hey! Know how awesome you are and keep your chin up even if someone judges you. Whatever they say doesn’t really matter in the long run. And self confidence/ self love is everything!
ReplyWow, thank you so much. You're such an angel!
I understand that it will take some time, and honestly, I keep reminding myself not to push myself too far and make a "mistake" that could set me backwards. This past year I have met some people that really feel comfortable with and I can trust, and that probably who i'll start off with. (If I can remember, i'll tell you how it goes :)) They have also really helped me understand what i'm worth and have helped me with confidence. I have realized how surrounding yourself with the right people is crucial to making progress.
Your words have also really helped me understand how much self love is important, how much we should appreciate ourselves, and how much what people says really doesn't matter. We have all really accomplished a lot when you think about it. It just matters what "a lot" is to you :)
I'm really sorry that you have had to go through this at more of an extreme level, by the way. I feel exhausted having to deal with this small amount of "anxiety" towards judgement, and I cannot image what you must have gone through. Im so sorry, although i'm glad you were able to over come it (and help people like me) :)
Also, if someone judges me, sure, i'll probably feel kind of annoyed and upset in the moment (until this gets better, I guess). But what is it going to do in say, 10 years. Will I care? Hopefully not. Will I remember a small comment someone made? Probably not. Would I be upset if I really let that ruin the things that I love? Yes. Basically, what good will it do for me to care so much? It wont do anything good for me, but maybe make me wish that I shared what I loved sooner!
I really appreciate your words and wisdom. They've helped me a lot, honestly. Thank you for being there for me :)
ReplyThe thing with mistakes is that people think that it sets them back by a lot and then get depressed and don’t keep moving forward towards their goals. But it’s actually the opposite. If you ever make a mistake and you feel like you’ve messed up and it won’t ever get better, then try to breathe and tell yourself that your mind is just telling you stupid things to get you down. Mistakes are common and as long as you keep going, nothing can stop you. I’m really glad that you have good people around you. That really is the key.
“A lot” is, as you said, always different to different people. So a lot of progress to someone else can feel like nothing to others who have already progressed to that goal of the first person. Every small or big victory should be celebrated though. I hope you won’t stop celebrating your wins :)
Honestly, I don’t think that our two situations can be compared if you know what I mean. Not because one was worse than the other, but because they were probably equally as bad for both of us, but also different because we’re our own people. Does that make sense?
I really love that second to last paragraph you wrote! Honestly, 10 years is so much time that I guarantee you that you’ll be a whole new person than you are now.
No need to thank me, I’m here for you always! And I’m glad that we can be open and honest about things like this :)
ReplyWow, you just gave me a whole new perspective on mistakes. In a way, you have to use the power that pushed you back to send yourself forward. Your right, mistakes are very common, so we should learn to not let them set us back and in a sense get used to them :)
I also get what you mean. Similarly to how "a lot" is different to other people, our situations feel different to each of us then they might to another. It's like pain tolerance, just in a less physical sense.
The more progress I make, and the more mistakes that I use to set me forward, then the more confident I will be to show what I love. Not only that, but my "armor" will become thicker, and my care for others judgement will shrink.
I'm really glad I found this site, and more importantly, that I found you. Thank you :)
ReplyI’m glad that we agree on that. And I’m truly confident in the fact that you’ll be able to get past people’s judgement. You’ll be ok! It’s tiresome and hard and lonely sometimes, but you’ll get through the toughest parts.
If you ever need anything else then feel free to send me a message again! :) I’m glad I could help.
ReplyThank you so much for everything. Your words, support, and yourself have really helped me a lot already. You've opened a door for me, and now I just need to walk through :)
Thank you again. Ill reach out to you again if I need some wise words (if that okay with you). I'm also here for you too :)
ReplyNo worries at all :) any time.
And thank you, too. I’ll take you up on that!
ReplyOf course! Just come back to this post or make the title of a new post your username. Then I should be able to find you :)
Thanks!
Reply