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Here are the top five worst things to happen ALL IN THE LAST 6 F****** weeks.
1. A police officer in my community was shot and killed. He was a close family friend. We couldn't attend the funeral because of COVID. There wasn't even a chance to say a proper goodbye. It's unfair. It's cruel. It's wrong.
2. Another close family friend was in a boating accident and almost drowned. His cousin drowned. He survived but has pneumonia and other physical injuries on top of lots of mental trauma. I haven't seen him since. This broke my family. Two losses in the same week. My house is full of sadness and remorse. I don't expect my family to be here for me, because we are all quite upset.
3. My best friend had back surgery. It didn't go as well as they'd hoped. He is 16, and is so restrained by his back. It is awful. I want to be there for him and I'm so worried. Everyday, he is less hopeful. I try to put on the optimistic front and be supportive but it's getting harder and harder. I'm watching one of the people I love most deteriorate in front of my eyes.
4. My boyfriend and I broke up because my mental health is so poor, it's unfair of me to keep him (which I told him). He called me a week ago and yelled at me telling me what an awful person I was for a full hour until I hung up. I can't handle another thing in my life. He used to be a source of happiness. I feel like an awful person for breaking up with him for personal reasons. As he said, selfish.
5. My dad has had several moderate strokes (not deathly, but not light) and hasn't been able to go to the hospital. He had tests done, but they were inconclusive and were hardly even finished because of COVID. Any elective surgury possibilities have been cancelled and now we are just trying to figure things out I guess.
People keep telling me "you have a normal response to abnormal events". Well, honestly, I'm so done with this year. 2021 is not a fresh start. No, I'm not going to move past all of the crap somehow when the clock strikes midnight. Dear god, I hope yelling Jumanji gets me out of this nightmare. Why is all of it happening now. I don't know what to do. I have been having suicidal thoughts but although they are getting stronger, I've managed to push them away. Lately lots have asked me how I feeli and if I'm okay. I say I'm fine. That's because I feel empty. Hopeless. Emotionless. Finished. I want to be mad, or frustrated, or sad, I don't even care what I feel as long as it's something. I haven't slept in 6 weeks.
So how's your 2020 going?
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Oh my word. That is awful 🙁 I'm really sorry that all of this happened...
My 2020 is ok I suppose, my volleyball team won our state tournament, and I made varsity on it too. Some stuff is pretty abnormal, and stressful. Very stressful. Thank you for asking, and I really hope things get better for you and your family. God bless 💙
ReplyPray to God and ask Him to take away these suicidal thoughts. Bring God into your life and get to know Him because He will never leave you.
2020 has been mainly okay for me. I can't be bothered to hang onto the negative.
ReplyIts okay to be selfish. In fact its good.
You knew you couldn't deal with a relationship so you ended it. You did the right thing.
I think COVID truly showed how much of life is truly out of our control. It sucks and it will continue to suck for a while. Just because its the new year, does not mean it will change anything.. its just one more day.
Its okay to feel empty sometimes.
My year wasn't too great either. Hang in there!
ReplyI’m so glad you broke up with that boyfriend- you are not selfish, he is! How can he yell at you for an hour about his own selfish wants while you are going through such a traumatic time in your life? That’s not the emotional support you deserve from a partner...
I’ve been through grief, there is an end to the intensity of it... and though you never forget those you’ve lost, you will move on & find joy again. That’s what life is all about... we are all given one chance at our own life - choose your path & who gets to share it with you.
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