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The role in which i played in my family dynamic was the "troubled middle child". I often caused much inconvience for my family. From a young age i loved adventure and pushing the rules and limits. Almost all of the time however that did nothing but get me into trouble. As i got older my behaviors became more risky and have had permant impacts on many relashionships in my life. I usually act out as a cry for help. I felt as if my feelings were never valid or of any importance to anybody but myself. As though my actions effected no one but me. When in fact i now realize it had much effects on my younger siblings because they felt as though they were neglected because i was always the main focus of attention. I was always the one getting in trouble and being rebellious. As well as my parents have always said they felt as if they failed as a parent because i never respected them nor did what they asked of me..When i was a young teen i got involved with drug and alcohol abuse along with hypersexuality. You can just begin to imagine how many issues i caused within my young teenage life. All the while my little brother was suffering with bullying and depression and yet never got any attention. Because yes i was the main focus:/ He told me years later and so i have had time to reflect and i genuinly am so sorry towards him as well as my parents.
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it sounds like you have grown and learned a lot from your past and to where you are now. I'm proud of you for that<3
We all use different things to numb our pain and minimise our discomfort ranging from drug use, alcohol use, sex, food, and many other things.
Your feelings do matter and are of importance to many, when we are in self destruct mode, it's hard to see that.
keep going in learning and growing, please also be gentile with yourself when it comes to reconciling. with your past and do not get lost in shame or guilt
you are a beautiful soul and everyone in your family will grow together<3
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