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I have convinced myself that I will never be happy unless I look a certain way. I’ve started trying to accept my body and image more bc I know I shouldn’t lose any more weight, but I really want to. It sounds awful, but I want an eating disorder. I don’t care if I lose my period or lose my hair I just want to be skinny. I just want to be pretty. I don’t think that I’ll be able to live through any of my important milestones until that happens. I’ve even been telling myself that if I don’t lose a certain amount of weight by a certain time, I should just go ahead and kill myself because why would anyone ever want to do anything with someone who looks like me. I’ve been wishing for a while now that I die in some kind of accident. That way, I’ll be able to get what I want and my parents and friends won’t feel like it was their fault. If I wasn’t scared of how they would react, I would’ve killed myself years ago. I just don’t know how I can start being happy or accepting myself unless I’m stick thin and pretty.
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Girl, you are gorgeous as you already. I hate eating cause i'm so self conscious, Take it from me, its not worth a life time of fear and mental failure and satisfaction. cause it never goes away. Please you are already fabulous and amazing. You got this, keep moving forward. You are wanted.
ReplyIf you think it is this important to be pretty and skinny you should see a psychiatrist.
ReplyIn the gentlest way, I know what you mean. I was the same way. I did not find happiness there. The thing is our brain just doesn’t like how We look. It’ll always want More or to still be Different. I lost the weight, but it didn’t make me happy. My brain found other flaws and nearly destroyed myself over them. I couldn’t be skinny enough. Darling we are more than our bodies. A pound of soul will always outweigh a pound of flesh
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