I don’t know where I am

I’m trying to rationalize how this last year affected my mental health. I didn’t really realize how much it did, until the second lockdown started. A couple of months in which I found myself crying in bed all day everyday. I found out that I might be queer, I’m not 100% sure yet but some thoughts and feelings in me just tell me so. I found out that I might be an HSP, I should get diagnose for that and I know but seems like a really possible reason for a lot of problems and issues I’ve been dealing with all my life, and my constant thought of being different, of being able to feel things most of the people around me don’t. I don’t like going out of my house anymore, I’ve recently had a panic attack while being in the streets. I don’t want to study anymore, I lost all my passion and motivation for what I’m doing, but I know I’ll find a way to be able to get my degree. I want to leave my hometown, my parents house, and I can’t stop thinking about it, it makes me so sad being here that I would just like to melt with my bed and disappear. I don’t like my friends, they are amazing people but I don’t like being around them anymore. I don’t like the guy I’m talking to anymore. I just want to start my life from scratch because the one I’m living now it’s making me miserable. I think about death all the time, I have my mother telling me that I can’t live in my own if my mental health doesn’t get better. I have my brother being sad and miserable and I’m not able to be there for him or see him. There is just so much chaos inside my mind, and I’m scared and tired of this feeling. Some days I wake up and think that I’m better but then the bad feelings always come back, and each time it kicks faster than before.