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The holiday season is here. It was Christmas yesterday and I spent it all by myself. I do have a lovely family but they are thousands of miles away. I have a loving and caring partner but he has to work even during the holidays which leaves me alone at home. Being home alone as a kid was exciting because just like in the movie Home Alone, I would look forward to eating junk and watching TV without anybody telling me to study or go to bed early. But now, when I am a fully grown adult, I hate being alone. Especially during the holidays when everyone seems to be enjoying with their friends and family. Because of the COVID-19 lockdown and travel restrictions, many people and almost everybody I know have gone home to be with their families. Most people are working from their cosy homes. I too am working from home but I could not travel back to my hometown as my husband does not have a work from home compatible job. We have to stay here in the city of our work. And although for him it is normal just like it was before COVID, going to work and coming back. But for me, it is completely different. Earlier when I went to office, I had colleagues I met, had lunch and coffee with. But now I stay alone at home, working by myself, eating by myself, having coffee by myself.
I know I am very fortunate to have a job and a home and that I do not have to worry about the basic necessities and I am grateful for this every day. But whenever I see people spending time with their families and friends, I feel extremely lonely. It feels like in spite of having a beautiful family, I am still all alone in this huge world.
I try to keep myself busy with books, music, learning new instruments, learning to code, writing in my journal, meditating, exercising etc. But the moment I stop and take a pause, all the loneliness comes back. I talk to my parents daily and I can't show them that I am missing them so much. I smile and try to be happy when my husband returns from work after a long day. I don't want to let him know about the pain that I am going through. But I want this to stop. I want to feel happy and I want to spend time with my family. I want to travel. I want to visit new places. I find it very difficult to go on like this. Every day I feel terrible, then I pick myself up, try to distract myself with the various activities listed above. But it doesn't seem to be a permanent solution.
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You need to be around people. Even if itโs at a grocery store, be among them. Wherever people are allowed to gather. And make any excuse to converse with them.
ReplyMany people are like this because of covid. Hopefully you will have the vaccine (unless you are scared to) and live a normal life again. If you fear the vaccine realize that you have to have it or go on as you are.
ReplyLet's hope everything is gonna come back to normal.Keep going.I feel lonely too but I hope we'll be happy again :)
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