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1 year ago · · Stress,
I don't know why but I get overwhelmed at random times, random days, random weeks, random months. I can't explain it much but I'll try. I feel like my throat is all clogged up and my heart entangled in thorny vines that I can't shake off. My brain is in a constant loop of different thoughts that even I can't comprehend because of how fast paced it is. I cry. I cry a lot during these times and I don't understand why I do. I don't think I'm sad but I'm also not happy. I have no reason to cry but I want to...it's like I have to.
This feeling makes me useless. I'm weak because I can't fight it off and just smile through it. I want help but I don't know where to seek it. No one will listen and as usual, if I do...I'll just be invalidated again. I'm not allowed to feel these things because they see me as this strong person who never breaks....but what if I was already broken in the first place...and I'm just parading around looking all perfect..
Sometimes I want to end it all but then I still have things I want to do and to experience...I have goals that are bigger than me that I have yet to fulfill but is it worth it though?
I hate this...I'm always a mess.