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I don't know why but I get overwhelmed at random times, random days, random weeks, random months. I can't explain it much but I'll try. I feel like my throat is all clogged up and my heart entangled in thorny vines that I can't shake off. My brain is in a constant loop of different thoughts that even I can't comprehend because of how fast paced it is. I cry. I cry a lot during these times and I don't understand why I do. I don't think I'm sad but I'm also not happy. I have no reason to cry but I want to...it's like I have to.
This feeling makes me useless. I'm weak because I can't fight it off and just smile through it. I want help but I don't know where to seek it. No one will listen and as usual, if I do...I'll just be invalidated again. I'm not allowed to feel these things because they see me as this strong person who never breaks....but what if I was already broken in the first place...and I'm just parading around looking all perfect..
Sometimes I want to end it all but then I still have things I want to do and to experience...I have goals that are bigger than me that I have yet to fulfill but is it worth it though?
I hate this...I'm always a mess.
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ReplyTbh I can relate with it cz it's nearly felt like that. Here is how I dealt with it & now enjoying fulfilled life(yes! This is possible)
1) The reason is u r just faking it for everyone's pleasure. You're not your authentic self. The emotions you've been bottling up for so long are now creating toxicity. By crying you wanna clear your heart to accept happiness.
2) understand this is none of ur fault. You were not born like that. Society n parents expectations have made u this n out there many ppl feels the same
3) don't take their judgment into consideration. They dunno what you've gone through so far. Learn SELF LOVE. (Google how)
4) try journaling. Put all random thoughts on paper . later, when you're feeling good read n analyze what's the core problem
5) relief n true satisfaction+fulfillment is in being geniune n presenting ur real self
I hav done this n m quite successful so far.
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