What are you looking for?
I wasn't his friend
4 months ago · · Lonely,
I don't get it. Why is life so cruel to me. I mostly blame club foot.
Google it and you'll find... Infants with the condition. I hadn't Googled the term for YEARS, and so I did that relatively recently. I knew that club foot was quite rare but to find out that most people with the condition have it permanently fixed broke me. Google says it is resolved in months. Google also says the condition doesn't cause any pain.
I've had devices, medical procedures and surgeries (quoting Google's treatment section). I've had a few specialists. I don't even live in America. I should have had decent healthcare. I was instead put in limbo for years and my entire life since my second surgery has been displaced. My feet are very messed up. I have a lot of physical pain, sometimes when not even walking.
Am I just meant to be sad? Was I supposed to live life this way? Depression, boredom, loneliness, self-hatred.
This guy basically said that I wasn't his friend. I don't know how to become his friend, or why I'm not. I just feel terrible. I feel so unwanted. No one wants to even interact with me. I was so desperate to have a friend but I'm not supposed to ever have friends. I keep wondering what I did wrong. Why I'm not and cannot be his friend. I'm just a fu*k up. I must be boring and too clingy.
I didn't tell him about my disability. Or that he was my only friend, as that wouldn't have even gotten us to where we were.
In a parallel universe where I didn't have club foot, I don't think I would be where I am at all. That's why I blame it. I think ultimately everything is because of it. Everything to do with school, not having friends.
I wonder where the adults with club foot are and how I could talk to them. I feel like it would be so great to hear from someone with the condition who is happy.
I mean, I have other issues (or rather things that make me undesirable) but like I said, I blame club foot.
I wish I could get the courage to KMS.
wow this did not flow at all but i'm just putting down everything in my head randomly