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I prefer to create, than destroy. She had an old tattoo of an anniversary, of a relationship that crumbled. Her first thought was a skull with a rose.
I suggested 2 roses instead, as a symbol. That date was a symbol of a dead relationship. In my mind, death is the catalyst to growth and the best symbolism of growth is nature.
So I wanted to turn it into a garden bed with 2 roses. Symbiotic of the new love we had found in each other. So that growth could occur in place of what was once lost.
She agreed and was fairly surprised by the depths of my thinking. So she got those two roses.
I'd like to think I was a good partner, a potential husband. It symbolized my own growth after finding her. Then, one day, that love began to wilt and no matter how far away she pulled, I kept trying.
Sending every available nutrient and resource I could to stave off the decay. It was all for not and she was more than happy to take everything she could. Then turn and blame it all on me.
That was over a year ago.
Today, I finally find some will to find a connection again. One that I hope would last. Even in my uncertainty, I feel as though perhaps I can still grow. Though our roses have been replanted in new gardens.
May God have mercy on me after the decades of trial and error, of heartache and the love I've lost along the way.
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