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Heey guys,
I think it's the right time to be honest with you all. Every time you ask me how i am, i answer with "oh just tired" or "i'm fine". Well i am tired, tired of pretending to be okay and tired of the way i'm feeling. Last year (2020) has been a terrible year as you all might know, this year i promised myself to fix my (mental) health. But all i do is help others their health, since my right shoulder/arm started shaking it got worse with quite a few doctors appointments. Ofc i take time to focus on myself but it gets harder day by day, since the shaking got also on my left side. I take my medicine every day but it gets worse. Next week i'm going to the hospital and i am so scared, not even for what might happen but more of the results. What could it be? Am i able to heal from it? All these kind of questions are just in my mind keeping me awake. I just don't wanna die yet, you might assume i do but i truly wanna enjoy life. The amount of pain it brings me is getting more day by day, not that the shaking hurts it's more that the things i used to love aren't bringing me joy anymore.
I wish i had the fucking guts to tell you all the shit i've been through and even still go through. I selfharmed, and i stopped because of a friend. He knows every single thing about me and the things i did. But because of him every time i wanted to do it he stopped me from doing it. All i did was text him with it and all he would do is just ask me things and talk about random things, just to get the thought off of my mind. It worked. Thanks to him. And i am so sorry for not telling you all, it's not that i don't trust you it's because i was so scared to open up. I didn't want anyone to look at me different, i was scared that you'll might leave. I don't wanna end up strangers with you all.
Thank you all for sticking around and truly thanks for caring about me.
I love you all so much xx
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THIS IS AWESOME - the fact that you still kept pushing every day is so good. i'm so happy to hear that there's still a part of you that wants to excel and just be amazing in life and enjoy it. if you've made it this far, i'm so excited for what else is to come for you! no matter what happens, you. can. fucking. get. through. it. there will be a time when you find your niche and your passion and what gets you up in the morning and what brings you joy in your life and it will be SPECTACULAR!! i wish you the absolute best
ReplyThis is the sweetest comment ever!! Thank you so so much!
ReplyI relate to this on a personal level but I'm afraid to get help and stuff. I'm so proud of you!!!
ReplyPlease get help, It is really important. Talking to someone can feel like a relieve of What ur holding in. You got this Okay! U matter And u are loved never forget that!
Reply