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i never thought i would do it
i always found it meaningless
but there i was .
i had friends a few years back who struggled with c***ing and i tried to help them (they did get help) but i remember seeing them and having to take blades away from them or they would ask me to take it away from them and i always thought to myself that i would never do it.
a year later i felt so empty
so numb
as if i needed to do something to feel again.
i was in class one day when i saw a single blade from a pencil sharpener sitting on the desk, i took it when no one was looking.
i kept it in the back of my phone case for a few weeks until a boy from my class took my phone and found it.
they asked why i had it and i said that i found it and wanted to make sure it was thrown away properly so no one would get hurt or take it for the wrong reasons.
i ended up throwing it away in fear of someone else finding it, i hadn’t used it which was good but a couple months later i was about to throw away a razor from shaving when i decided i wanted to see how it functioned.
i took apart the razor seeing how it was built, how much hair was stuck in it (gross) and how it all kind of worked, when i was done looking at it i threw everything away wrapped in tissue so no one would accidentally grab it and get hurt.
i kept one blade though, hid it under my lamp on my nightstand.
weeks later i started.
i didn’t really feel anything, i mean yeah it stung but i was kind of hoping for a different feeling but i didn’t get it.
i continued off and on for months until i had to move.
me and my mom were at the new house putting away stuff while my dad was at the old one packing up small furniture to bring over, when he asked if i wanted any brought over i said my nightstand by my window (i had two, the one under my window did not have it) i made sure he would grab the right one by saying it a million times so then he wouldn’t see what i had.
later that night i put it in my pocket when i took out the garbage and i threw it away.
it felt like such a relief.
i’m now months clean and haven’t gotten a new one and i don’t plan on it.
i’m glad i stopped and i feel so much better now.
hi! okay so this was just a rant that i just wanted to let out, to anyone struggling with self harm i just want to say it’s so much better when you stop, and i understand that it may be hard to stop and if so please, please tell someone and get help, it made me get a whole new positive look on life after i stopped and i promise to anyone out there struggling, that it gets better. also sorry if this was triggering to anyone i tried my best to keep out big details. this was just me sharing my story to rant, not to trigger or influence anyone. :)
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Yes, it feels much better when we stop:)
God bless you
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