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This is the first time in my life that I've had healthy and emotionally mature dynamic that I've created for myself.
For the first time, my life is not centered around distracting myself from what's in front of me. I spent a lot of time over the past few years focusing on the emotional work, and this year is very much so focusing on the physical work. Like actually tackling the tangible things I wanted to do. Not giving my time (and not even having time quite honestly) on random hook-ups, sneaky links, or just spending time with men who don't really want anything but my body (for whatever reason. be it sex, cuddling, sex, etc).
ITS WEIRD.
Like don't get me wrong, I by no means am here complaining, but its just a dope place to be. It's kind of uncomfortable. Like the self sabotage in me is coming to an end. Now that I'm tackling the things in my physical world that I tend to get distracted from, it feels like I'm on a roll. It's good, but I can't lie and say it's comfortable because it's not. Breaking out of any habit isn't. Honestly, it's all a process that I am still getting used to, but I am gracious.
.. its taking everything in me to not just ruin it all, but again. Breaking a habit. I also understand that I'm not perfect. Granted that's not an excuse but I am still human.
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