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I have been lashing out at myself and at others. I take another drink, thinking it will help, but to no avail. All it does is just make things worse. How did it get like this? I used to be the life of the party... but now the party is the only life left in me. I feel like I am killing who I am. It's like I live to drink. And I know I need help, but it's the only thing that seems to take the pain away. It doesn't numb the pain anymore. It just makes things worse. It's so bad that people are starting to walk out of my life because of how aggressive and crazy I get. I bang my head on the floor, I don't feel a thing. I kick and scream and wish to not be here. I tell people the meanest things. I have lost people. I lost someone so dear to me because of this. And the sad part is, I don't even remember what happened. Blacking out always makes me feel shame. But when I lost him, I felt shame on a different level. And you know what? I deserve to feel this. How could I be so stupid to lose such an inspiring, beautiful, sweet person? I will never see him again, but as I said, I deserve it. No apology will ever make things go back to the way things were with us. It breaks my heart. I break my own heart every time I reach for the bottle and every time after. I didn't mean to mess things up. But I did. I did it again. Why am I like this?
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Dont drink :( please dont. Its so bad for you. Its so so bad for you. Dont drink anymore please i beg you. and Dont blame yourself. Dont blame yourself. Its okay to not be okay, its okay to feel sad over him. Its okay so stop hurting yourself okay? I love you more than anything so please stop this. Please
Reply:( *hugs*
ReplyIf you can't stop drinking attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.
ReplyHead injury can cause a change in personality. This is the new you. Accept it.
ReplyThings are better now...
ReplyHead injury can cause a change in personality. This is the new you. Accept it.
Reply