if only i'd know.

( TW- mention of suicide)

I thought we promised to make it through high school together. we planned prom, collage and life after all of that. you got me through my most hardest days and the long nights. we joked about and laughed about things we shouldn't have. but I saw your pain. I saw how broken you were. and i didn't do anything. we were surposed to sit through math class together, but now your chair is empty. we'd promised each other we stick it out to till the end. I NEEDED YOU AND YOU LEFT ME. the teachers the councillors, my parents- they don't understand but you did. everything we did together, i now do alone. we really were just two suicidal kids telling each other suicide wasn't the option. if i knew what i know now, i would have never let you go. im sorry i couldn't save you.

for anyone reading this, please do check up on your friends and see how there doing.

and for those who are considering suicide, please don't do it. your family, your friends, they WILL MISS YOU. the effect that suicide has on others is unexplainable. they will blame themselves, they will hate themselves for not being able to save you. i know life can be hard but suicide really isn't the option. the healing process take time, suicide IS a permanent solution to a temporary problem. i promise you things WILL get better. there is so much to live for. i know how bad life can be, you've convinced yourself that you want to die, but you don't. you want the pain to go away, but by doing that, you'll only send the sadness to someone else.

please do remember your not alone and that there is always someone to talk to. (Samaritans Helpline Number 116-123)