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Dear 19-year-old me,
Happy birthday! I know its a strange one, you're with a boy who doesn't really like your family, and its really awkward round the table as you blow out your candles and prepare to go out with them all. You know your boyfriend doesn't want to get along with your family, and the tension is killing you. But you go along with it anyway, its what you've always done, and you think he's alright, most of the time.
You're gonna have a good time with your family at the Forest today, but trust me when I say your birthday will be tainted by his presence. He'll walk off alone, laugh at your family, and generally be quite dismissive. Just like he is to you.
You'll recognise this properly one day. Not even in that much time honestly. You'll go through the relationship thinking that you're happy, you'll tolerate his behaviour because its "just what you have to do", but inside you'll know this isn't okay. You'll know your true feelings, and you'll try to be better for him anyway.
Listen, L. This isn't your fault. You are a kind-hearted, caring person who just wants to make people happy. That is so respectable and beautiful. Never let go of that. But don't tolerate bad behaviour. Don't be submissive or easy-going just because its harder to fight. Fight.
This boy is going to break your heart and give you a lot of trauma to deal with. He's not worth the pain. Fight against the way he treats you, and break his heart instead. You deserve better.
He doesn't even know what he's done to you.
I'm still angry at him, and I'm still hurting. And I wish I could've stopped all of this from hurting us. You deserve so much better than what life handed you after he broke your heart and stole your pride.
Things will get better, but things will feel so much worse for so long.
You'll grow from this. I'll grow from this. And we'll both find something better along the way.
Best of luck, L,
- Nearly-21-year-old me.
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This was beautiful and so heartfelt :( I wish you the best of luck and I'm hoping only great things come your way <3
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