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i've prayed this multiple times, but i decided to put it out there because maybe someone needs to see this.
it's so heartbreaking. i am so hurt by this world Lord, but i put my trust in you. i know that this is a time of isolation. that you take away and fight countless battles to protect me, so that i have room to receive.
you cannot put more items into a box that is already full. i have so much faith in you God. i know that through Jesus, i get to receive peace and satisfaction. it just hurts so much that i am sometimes much more attracted and "wowed" by this world than you.
it just hurts that part of my heart "secretly" hopes and looks towards other people like family or friends or teachers, for confidence and fulfilling love.
in Scripture it says, "...all that i have is yours..." the father said to his son. it's not the follower who says it to God - God is giving everything to us. we just have to be submissive and willing to give up the pressure, the standards, and just EVERYTHING to God. because by wanting to submit to him, by wanting to be changed and transformed, God provides.
in the things that we lack, God provides. in the fear that we have, God provides. in the fatigue that we have, God provides. in the uncertainty we experience, God provides. in our crying moments, God provides.
it's really irritating that our human selves have that sinful human nature. because there's so much temptation and for some "odd" reason, sometimes it's so hard to choose God over sin.
what hurts me is being surrounded by non-Christians or people who aren't active in their faith or are awkward/hard to talk to about Christianity and my/their struggles.
i want to love like Jesus and God loves me. i try to. obviously i'm not perfect, but i try hard with a sincere heart. it hurts when they treat me poorly. but Jesus was hurt infinity times more.
i am so alone God. honestly, i know you're there, but i don't think i fully understand that you are there, because i am so lonely.
the loneliness where i don't belong to a church. barely a youth group. and apparently, we are called to be with the church or at least surround ourselves in your followers too? i'm considering the fact that my purpose might be to spread the seed of You and Your word to those around me and to the people i meet.
choosing Jesus is a narrow, thorny, burning, freezing, and hard road. but it is so worth it. it might sound selfish and as much as i love your beautiful creations on earth, i am so excited to be with you God. i am so excited to have eternity with You, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. i can't wait for no sin or temptation, for worship 24/7, to see more of your beautiful creation.
all that you have is mine, God. i accept it - Romans 6:23, "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."
if you're struggling with something, trust God. read the Bible even when you don't want to (something i struggle with). pray pray pray when you're tempted to sin. worship worship worship when you're worried. love love love when you're scared.
there is so much wisdom, hope, and love in the Bible. i pray that You open the hearts of the people struggling right now, that they go read their Bible and pour their hearts out to you, Lord.
God loves you so so much.
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I love your post. My biggest prayer is that others will see Christ through me. I am not good preaching so much and even shy at giving good advice. I know what I should say in moments it's just that I don't. Which has led me to some regrets. It is something I am trying to work on. The world has become so corrupt and people are trying to find love and fulfillment in social media and other people. I am thinking you must be a teenager since you said something about a youth group. I am very involved with teens and can not imagine the pressure you are under as a Christian. Please stay strong. The one thing that I constantly tell myself is that you can not compare a non-Christian's morals to a Christian's morals. Also, really getting to know someone will help you understand why they act like they do. This will help you find compassion. I try to love first and not to throw any beliefs on anyone until they know I love them and truly want the best for them.
ReplyI don't know if you notice it, maybe not, but I think people definitely see Christ through you - I definitely just did! Your comment means a lot to me for some reason because it resonates with something I'm going through. I appreciate the kind words and encouragement!! I'll pray for you that God will continue to give you opportunities to preach and share more of the gospel! I appreciate your comment and truly wish you the best :)
ReplyStay strong!! Sending prayers your way. Thank you for the response to my response lol. You seem to be an amazing person. :)
Replyamen! i am lonely too. i am learning that finding contentment with Christ is a long, rocky process in this broken world. keep seeking Him- He is the best option! may the Lord bless you & keep you & may his face shine upon you xx
Replyexactly, sometimes i don't know why it feels so convicting when i remind myself that choosing Jesus doesn't mean that life will be easier, it could be harder, but worth it more. and amen as well! i appreciate you <3
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