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I Hate that im locked up in a fucking office all day. I hate that my only sister is my boss(Theres the manager above her but shes above me) I hate it because sometimes we argue and i cant seem to fucking get away from her. this fucking pandemic is actually goint to drive me crazy i cant really go out except for work or walks but not so much. i cant really quit the job since i already got my license for it im going to be making more which is needed right now but holy fucking fuck i hate it. Sometimes i really think about offing myself but i haven't done it i tell my therapist and shes assigned some exercises to do while i feel like that and they do help but just for a minute. And im so fucking sad too but no one sees it ever since my abuelita past i have this heavy feeling in my chest and i cant get rid of it. and i don't know what to do. so ranting and calling my therapist it is. Sometimes i also want to harm myself again but i think of how much i hate my already existing scars and fight the urge back also i think of how hypocritical it would be of me to come on here and tell other people not to do it and then do it myself. to top it all off ive always struggled with my own body image and right now im extra focused on it and im so fat but i cant throw up because my family is always home because covid yay.. working out at home isnt doing shit and im not allowed to go to the gym because of my parents saying i could get covid but yet my dad can go out to his friends house and get drunk? hes always saying how hes scared of rona and catching it so thats why we arent allowed out but he can? hes had 2 people of the ones hes hung out with before test positive for it but suddenly hes immune to it? but if we go out were going to give it to him? fuck me my mental is super fucked right now and i dont know how much longer i can do it i really donnt i fucking hate it here but not enough money to move out has me trapped. ohhh also currently going through a break up with a person that was a total dick just to really add that cherry on top. Lmao man i really do hate my life.
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I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you will stay. This might sound weird to you, but when I make a huge effort to not complain, things get better. I hope you will pray to God for guidance. I wanted to end my life for years. Turning to God gave me such hope, and I don't have those thoughts anymore. I'll pray for you, and I hope you will pray too. Much love to you!
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