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1 year ago · · help, · Explicit
i’m afraid of showing my true emotions.
i don’t let people hug me or be affectionate to me when all i want is that
i want so badly to be hugged and comforted
or to hug someone and comfort someone
but i don’t know how to
i’m too afraid to.
i don’t let anyone hug or try and comfort me because i cry every time.
i’ve bottled up so many emotions to where whenever i’m even touched in a kind and caring way i break down.
i’m such an emotional and sad person in general so being the way i am is making my life a living hell.
i’m so afraid of showing my true emotions and so i don’t let anyone comfort me when really that’s all i need
i need to just let it out but i can’t.
i know that there’s people who want to help me, and hug me, and comfort me
but i just don’t let myself because i’m afraid.
i’ve always been kind of this type of person
just not as sad.
but when my aunt passed away i lost it.
we were at her celebration of life and i remember trying my best not to cry
the only was i knew how to distract myself was by biting at my nails and cuticles
so i did that until they bled
but when my dad reached over and touched my leg in a way to say it’s okay,
i lost it.
i couldn’t hold it in anymore
i was even getting dirty looks from people because i was crying over my dead aunt.
yes i wasn’t silent like the others, and i tried so hard not to be loud but i couldn’t stop crying.
i was full on bawling
and i was even making my family members cry
and that made me feel so bad.
i can’t even comfort others
my friend or mom will be crying and i’ll feel like such a shitty person because i don’t know how to comfort them because i can’t even comfort myself
and i hate it
i hate myself for it
and i’m so sorry that i can’t comfort you or give advice to you because i don’t even know how to deal with myself right now
i’m just too afraid.