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They never talk about the things you feel when you hit rock bottom. How it becomes a chore just to exist most day. How you can be alive yet feel dead.
They never tell you that most days you won’t feel like moving from the comforts of your own bed, because it your safe place. Your blankets protect you from the world outside of them and help replace the warmth you wish was another human. Laying in bed means two things. You either spend your time laying there looking into the blank abyss wondering where you lost yourself. Or you sleep to escape your reality. People never understand why you sleep so much but maybe if they knew sleeping was the only time you are not at war with yourself maybe they wouldn’t be so critical.
They never tell you about how the small things that should be so easy become so hard. Taking a shower and mustering up the strength just to wash your hair. It’s been so long and you know it’s long past due, but in that moment pouring that shampoo into your hand and lathering it into your hair feels so hard that you almost might die. Even the things that should be essential to living become hard. You know you should be hungry. That it’s been approximately 2 days since your last full meal but you feel nothing at all. You wonder “Is my stomach broken like my mind? Or has it just become immune to the mistreatment that it feels nothing too?”
They never tell you how you’re gonna cope, or what’s gonna send you to the bottom. You just do the best you can to get by, and even if the only thing you did today was lay in bed, than I’m proud of you. You kept breathing and that’s a success.
They never tell you that you’re doing a good job but I’m here to tell you that you are. If all you could do was wash your hair during your shower than I’m proud. If all you could eat was a bite of your food I’m proud. If you slept for 16 hours straight I hope that you feel rested. You’re strong and this low is not forever. One day you’ll feel the sunlight touch your skin and you’ll feel the warmth of daylight enter your soul once more, and the darkness will flee. Stay strong because you’re worth more than that war you feel inside, I promise.
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